Young Writers Society

Renesmee was far away, nestled in her bed all snug and warm, my beautiful daughter. She might be a year old, but she looks like a 5 year old and acts like a ten year old! She’s my half vampire, half human daughter.

Ah well, I’m just a vampire with my sexy vampire boyfriend.

I could smell mountain lion, Edward and mines favourites.

I watched as it hunched its back, ready to sting me.
‘Go ahead,’ I whispered to the wasp. ‘But you’ll be the one getting hurt not me.’
The wasp seemed to know exactly what I said and he buzzed off.

I couldn’t help but grin. ‘Ah well, I’m just a vampire with my sexy vampire boyfriend. No wonder the wasp got scared.’

MysticalBlood wrote:I read this out at a young writers open mic... [b]i was very nervous lol. enjoy. [/b]

I smelt freshly cut grass by the forest, and the smell of blood pulsing through small rodents that hid beneath each rock, tree trunk and plant. Edward brushed his fingers through my hair and smiled my FAVORITE crooked smile. I smiled back, and I knew that, even though I could never blush again, I would always feel an invisible flip of my heart inside my chest. Edward can read minds,delete comma but add commathankfully, not mine.
He leant leanedtowards me quite quickly, but gracefully, and we kissed. I placed my hands on his shoulders. Renesmee was far away, nestled in her bed all snug and warm, my beautiful daughter. She might be a year old, but she looks like a 5 year old and acts like a ten year old! She’s my half vampire, half human daughter. it might sound better if you said my beautiful half vampire half human daughter instead of ssaying daughter twice
I pulled away from Edward and stared into his golden eyes. Sun light peeked through two trees, shining onto his skin. I drew in a deep breath – one I didn’t need – and stared at his sparkling skin, beautiful, and yet so unusual. I placed my hand onto his arm, watching as my hand sparkled from the sunlight too, sliding my hand down his arm, I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.
Edward chuckled and stepped back from me, he was still sparkling. He rubbed my arm and hugged me tight. I wasn’t exactly new born anymore, and my strength was definitely unusual, but that didn’t matter… this moment was so special and sweet; I made sure I treasured every second and replayed it in my head over and over.
Edward cleared his throat; I glanced at him and noticed he looked uneasy. I stepped back, confused.
‘What?’ I asked curiously.when using quotations you should use the " mark instead of the ' just for the future use ' when talking inside your head and " when talking outloud
‘Bella… please open your mind,’ see previous notehe stroked my cheek.
I rolled my eyes, but I concentrated on that extra muscle in my head, like an elastic band, invisible though, I stretched it out, making sure it didn’t twang back, and smiled as I saw Edward’s face lift into a delighted smile. Edward can’t read my mind unless I open my mind with the special muscle I have.
‘Thank you,’ he mouthed, and then he kissed me again. This time it was stranger, but nice, and I held him against me tightly. Edward tensed. I pulled away and let out a soft laugh.
‘You need to control your strength Bella,’ Edwards said softly, he hugged me then sighed.
I felt a soft feather like object brush against my arm, I checked to see what it was. A wasp, I widened my eyes. I had never really looked at a wasp properly before, it’s yellow and black stripes appeared sharpened and I could see every hair. In a human’s eye, you see it and then scream your lungs out. But this time, I was staring in awe. I watched as it hunched its back, ready to sting me.
‘Go ahead,’ I whispered to the wasp. ‘But you’ll be the one getting hurt not me.’
The wasp seemed to know exactly what I said and he buzzed off.
Edward laughed. ‘It seems your beauty flatters more eyes than you know,’
I couldn’t help but grin. ‘Ah well, I’m just a vampire with my sexy vampire boyfriend. No wonder the wasp got scared.’i dont like how it says vampire twice in this sentence but i dont know how you could change it hmm...
‘Smell that?’ Edward asked. He was stood upright again in less than a second.
‘Uh-huh,’ I said. I could smell mountain lion, Edward and mines FAVORITES. We turned together towards the smell.
‘I love you,’ he whispered to me, holding my hand tighter. ‘More than you could imagine.’
‘Impossible,’ I whispered. ‘I love you more.’

I smelt freshly cut grass by the forest, and the smell of blood pulsing through small rodents that hid beneath each rock, tree trunk and plant.

Renesmee was far away, nestled in her bed all snug and warm, my beautiful daughter

Edward chuckled and stepped back from me, he was still sparkling

MysticalBlood wrote:I read this out at a young writers open mic... i was very nervous lol. enjoy.

I smelt freshly cut grass by the forest, and the smell of blood pulsing through small rodents that hid beneath each rock, tree trunk and plant. Edward brushed his fingers through my hair and smiled my favourite crooked smile. I smiled back, and I knew that, even though I could never blush again, I would always feel an invisible flip of my heart inside my chest. Edward can read minds, but thankfully, not mine. This is well written, from Bellas perspective
He leant towards me quite quickly, but gracefully, and we kissed. I placed my hands on his shoulders. Renesmee was far away, nestled in her bed all snug and warm, my beautiful daughter. She might be a year old, but she looks like a 5 year old and acts like a ten year old! She’s my half vampire, half human daughter. Okay, so they could be described better, i feel likes its out of beelas personality, if you know what i mean?I pulled away from Edward and stared into his golden eyes. Sun light peeked through two trees, shining onto his skin. I drew in a deep breath – one I didn’t need – and stared at his sparkling skin, beautiful, and yet so unusual. I placed my hand onto his arm, watching as my hand sparkled from the sunlight too, sliding my hand down his arm, I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.
Edward chuckled and stepped back from me, he was still sparkling. He rubbed my arm and hugged me tight. I wasn’t exactly new born anymore, and my strength was definitely unusual, but that didn’t matter… this moment was so special and sweet; I made sure I treasured every second and replayed it in my head over and over.
Edward cleared his throat; I glanced at him and noticed he looked uneasy. I stepped back, confused.
‘What?’ I asked curiously.
‘Bella… please open your mind,’ he stroked my cheek.
I rolled my eyes, but I concentrated on that extra muscle in my head, like an elastic band, invisible though, I stretched it out, making sure it didn’t twang back, and smiled as I saw Edward’s face lift into a delighted smile. Edward can’t read my mind unless I open my mind with the special muscle I have.
‘Thank you,’ he mouthed, and then he kissed me again. This time it was stranger, but nice, and I held him against me tightly. Edward tensed. I pulled away and let out a soft laugh. I didn't know he could read her minds at times, and " A special muscle"...rephase.‘You need to control your strength Bella,’ Edwards said softly, he hugged me then sighed.
I felt a soft feather like object brush against my arm, I checked to see what it was. A wasp, I widened my eyes. I had never really looked at a wasp properly before, it’s yellow and black stripes appeared sharpened and I could see every hair. In a human’s eye, you see it and then scream your lungs out. But this time, I was staring in awe. I watched as it hunched its back, ready to sting me.
‘Go ahead,’ I whispered to the wasp. ‘But you’ll be the one getting hurt not me.’
The wasp seemed to know exactly what I said and he buzzed off.
Edward laughed. ‘It seems your beauty flatters more eyes than you know,’
I couldn’t help but grin. ‘Ah well, I’m just a vampire with my sexy vampire boyfriend. No wonder the wasp got scared.’
‘Smell that?’ Edward asked. He was stood upright again in less than a second.
‘Uh-huh,’ I said. I could smell mountain lion, Edward and mines favourites. We turned together towards the smell.
‘I love you,’ he whispered to me, holding my hand tighter. ‘More than you could imagine.’
‘Impossible,’ I whispered. ‘I love you more.’

MysticalBlood wrote:I read this out at a young writers open mic... i was very nervous lol. enjoy.

I smelt freshly cut grass by the forest, and the smell of blood pulsing through small rodents that hid beneath each rock, tree trunk and plant. Edward brushed his fingers through my hair and smiled my favourite crooked smile. I smiled back, and I knew that, even though I could never blush again, I would always feel an invisible flip of my heart inside my chest. Edward can read minds, but thankfully, not mine.
He leant towards me quite quickly, but gracefully, and we kissed. I placed my hands on his shoulders. Renesmee was far away, nestled in her bed all snug and warm, my beautiful daughter. She might be a year old, but she looks like a 5 year old and acts like a ten year old!
I pulled away from Edward and stared into his golden eyes. Sun light peeked through two trees, shining onto his skin. I drew in a deep breath – one I didn’t need – and stared at his sparkling skin, beautiful, and yet so unusual. I placed my hand onto his arm, watching as my hand sparkled from the sunlight too, sliding my hand down his arm, I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.
Edward chuckled and stepped back from me, he was still sparkling. He rubbed my arm and hugged me tight. I wasn’t exactly new born anymore, and my strength was definitely unusual, but that didn’t matter… this moment was so special and sweet; I made sure I treasured every second and replayed it in my head over and over.
Edward cleared his throat; I glanced at him and noticed he looked uneasy. I stepped back, confused.
‘What?’ I asked curiously.
‘Bella… please open your mind,’ he stroked my cheek.
I rolled my eyes, but I concentrated on that extra muscle in my head, like an elastic band, invisible though, I stretched it out, making sure it didn’t twang back, and smiled as I saw Edward’s face lift into a delighted smile. Edward can’t read my mind unless I open my mind with the special muscle I have.
‘Thank you,’ he mouthed, and then he kissed me again. This time it was stranger, but nice, and I held him against me tightly. Edward tensed. I pulled away and let out a soft laugh.
‘You need to control your strength Bella,’ Edwards said softly, he hugged me then sighed.
I felt a soft feather like object brush against my arm, I checked to see what it was. A wasp, I widened my eyes. I had never really looked at a wasp properly before, it’s yellow and black stripes appeared sharpened and I could see every hair. In a human’s eye, you see it and then scream your lungs out. But this time, I was staring in awe. I watched as it hunched its back, ready to sting me.
‘Go ahead,’ I whispered to the wasp. ‘But you’ll be the one getting hurt not me.’
The wasp seemed to know exactly what I said and he buzzed off.
Edward laughed. ‘It seems your beauty flatters more eyes than you know,’
I couldn’t help but grin. ‘Ah well, I’m just a vampire with my sexy vampire boyfriend. No wonder the wasp got scared.’
‘Smell that?’ Edward asked. He was stood upright again in less than a second.
‘Uh-huh,’ I said. I could smell mountain lion, Edward and mines favourites. We turned together towards the smell.
‘I love you,’ he whispered to me, holding my hand tighter. ‘More than you could imagine.’
‘Impossible,’ I whispered. ‘I love you more.’