Young Writers Society

I adored this. Hermione was always my favorite character in the books (save for Luna). I recall dressing up as her for one halloween, wig and all.

Anywho, the review. I'm shite with grammar and even worse with spelling so I probably won't be much of a help there. (Thank goodness for spell check!)

I might suggest reading it out loud to make sure everything sounds the way you want it to, and printing it out and taking a red pen to it for disection might help too! It's always good to revise. Writing is rewriting! A story is never finished, it's just due. Haha.

I love the bit where she says "You can wake up any time now Ron!" You can feel the load she had been heaving lift when the relief of Dumbledore arrived but still there's Ron, loveable, Ron, who she now has to hoist up to the hospital wing.

This was great though, keep it up!

Love and stuff,
Rory

Well Done. That was a great piece of work, one of my favourite bits of it was when you said how the three dogs teeth snapped inches away from Hermione's wand. That put an image in my mind of these who razor sharp teeth inches away from the wand. You also did a very good job on Dumbledore. I don't think there was much wrong with this and I look forward to reading some more of Harry Potters hidden adventures.

Overall, this has the best spelling, grammar and puctuation I have yet seen on YWS. Well done!

Only two negative things for me. 'The first was the use of 'anytime soon' - it's one of my pet bugbears. The other thing was the phrase 'taking her teeth out of the flute'. Is that what one does with a flute? It didn't feel quite right to me.

Ok, two tiny things, otherwise really well done. And especially well done for carefully checking your work.

My 8 year old (whose work you kindly and helpfully reviewed) says:

I like this story and especially the spooky descrition. I liked the way the rope was attached to the dog's collar.

Aww this was so cute! I think it was good and honestly, I never really thought about the gap in the book. The only thing that stuck out to me was :

“Yes, I do go by that name. Are you two all right?” he asked, looking concerned.

I don't think that's something that Dumbledore would say

This is utterly wonderful! I love the Harry Potter series and I must say, J.K. should definitely have to see this.

'though I kinda noticed this:

She still had Hagrid’s flute! Glad she hadn’t given it back to Harry yet, Hermione pulled it out of her robes, turning it in her fingers as she thought. The next step would be tricky, as the Devil’s Snare plant was only a few feet from which she stood- she didn’t want to tangle with that plant again.

I know nonverbal spells exist in the wizarding world but Hermione wouldn't be capable of knowing how to do it as she's just in her first year and is just beginning to learn magic.

Still, I liked reading this. It kinda made me miss reading the series.