Young Writers Society

There is no wind in Castle Oblivion, no indiscreet drafts that would make her shiver, but sometimes, Naminé still finds herself blowing on her fingers, trying to warm them up. She should not be cold, but she is, and as she feels the inside of her wrist and cannot find a pulse, she knows why.

Then there are the times when she thinks she sees frost creeping on the walls and over the white marble roses, and with it snow lazily dancing over her head. Those are the moments when she wishes for Axel’s presence, for though she is wary of his Cheshire grin, he paints flames and warmth in her rooms.


Naminé never goes to sleep of her own accord, draws until she collapses in exhaustion or someone, usually Marluxia, drags her forcefully to bed. Then she lies still under her blankets, stares at the shadows stretching on the ceilings and tries, very very hard, not to listen to Larxene, with her razor smile and fair face, who leans over her and whispers of monsters and spirits and things that go bump in the night.
Do you fear the dark, Naminé?
Dredging up all of her courage, she shakes her head, no, and it is only when the last of the sharp laughter fades that she corrects, silently – Only when the darkness is you.


She only sees him once, a glimpse of black and gold through a crack in the door, and cannot get him out of her mind. He is like her, she is told, and his name is R-o-x-a-s. There is another name on her tongue, but it is like that other one she almost says sometimes when pronouncing her own name, that start with a K, that she should know, should remember. She does not, but nonetheless she dreams of sand and draws him, with the bright hair and the blue eyes, whispers, I will see you again.

Later, she remembers the two keys he held loosely at his sides, shadow and light, and she thinks, surely one of those can unlock the doors within me; surely he can help me find my heart.


Once, Naminé was cold and stayed awake in the dark and wished for her heart. Now there is a heart-shaped moon over her head, and, holding her hand, is who she dreamed of, darker hair and fierce, gentle smiles. She feels her pulse under her fingers, subtle but burning against her skin, and feels herself trembling minutely, drawn closer and closer still to Kairi’s fire. Then comes Saïx, and she is not afraid. She follows her heart, in the girl’s arm, and is finally whole.


There is the wind, and the sun, and warmth. There is the boy, blond hair superimposed on brown. There is her heart, beating, thud-thud, thud-thud.

Naminé sleeps.

I reall love this piece - Namine is one of my favourite characters in KH and you've captured her character (particularly her vulnerability) really well in this!

Once, Naminé was cold and stayed awake in the dark and wished for her heart. Now there is a heart-shaped moon over her head, and, holding her hand, is who she dreamed of, darker hair and fierce, gentle smiles.

I like how the past tense here contrasts with the present tense throughout the rest; I also love the use of present tense throughout for some indescribable reason... just gives it a lovely feel.
The only thing I can criticize (and mainly because I'm looking for something you could improve on) is that there's a slight overuse of commas in that second sentence, which makes it a bit jilted to read. However, I didn't notice it on the first read so it's not majorly annoying =]

Those are the moments when she wishes for Axel’s presence, for though she is wary of his Cheshire grin, he paints flames and warmth in her rooms.

I love this sentence too... maybe it's just cause of my fangirly Axel-love, but the description you used is really nice; I like the idea of 'painting flames'.
Also the idea of Axel as the Cheshire Cat both intrigues and disturbs me.... it's actually a great way to describe him!!

Overall I love this and I'm now going to stalk you for more KH related stuff - if you post any more please PM me!

I love the game Kingdom Hearts and I think you did Namine's personality very well.

It's drabbles, not really focusing in one place but you're talking about how vulnerable she is. I wish Namine and Roxas were more involved in the game. I love Sora and Kairi, but sometimes I just want to there nobodies.

Now I'm straying off topic but I like your drabble and I love how you describe the scenery and her feelings.

Ciao!

Like your previous posters, I love the Kingdom Hearts series. First off, before I go into your story. I really was never very familiar with Namine. I just played the game and thought, OK so she's Kari's Nobody, and likes to draw things.

In your small piece you've fleshed her character out more than the entire Kingdom Hearts 2 did for me. That's saying a lot.

There is no wind in Castle Oblivion, no indiscreet drafts that would make her shiver, but sometimes, Naminé still finds herself blowing on her fingers, trying to warm them up. She should not be cold, but she is, and as she feels the inside of her wrist and cannot find a pulse, she knows why.

That is such a heart breaking line. Nicely done.

Then there are the times when she thinks she sees frost creeping on the walls and over the white marble roses, and with it snow lazily dancing over her head. Those are the moments when she wishes for Axel’s presence, for though she is wary of his Cheshire grin, he paints flames and warmth in her rooms.

Like your first paragraph, your second is also beautifully worded.

Naminé never goes to sleep of her own accord, draws until she collapses in exhaustion or someone, usually Marluxia, drags her forcefully to bed. Then she lies still under her blankets, stares at the shadows stretching on the ceilings and tries, very very hard, not to listen to Larxene, with her razor smile and fair face, who leans over her and whispers of monsters and spirits and things that go bump in the night.
Do you fear the dark, Naminé?
Dredging up all of her courage, she shakes her head, no, and it is only when the last of the sharp laughter fades that she corrects, silently – Only when the darkness is you.

You're such a genius.

What I have noticed through out your wonderful piece is that you have an abundance of commas. After a while it sort of becomes cumbersome to pause multiple times in extended sentences. Perhaps you could make some of the breakups individual sentences, separated from the elongated compound sentences.

Other than that minor gripe you have a spectacularly enjoyable read here.

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awsome!!! i never thought of how namine felt!!! that is really cool!! u should write more Kingdom Hearts stuff.....