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Dracula (something i wrote for my AVID class)



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Wed Apr 28, 2010 3:05 am
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seeker742 says...



25 May – Arthur Holmwood
I feel so wonderful, I proposed to Lucy last night. I love her so dearly that it makes my heart rejoice that she loves me enough to alacrity marry me. However, I was so nervous when I was dropped off by the caleche on her doorstep. I tried to keep my head but I was afraid of rejection. When I knocked on the door and one of her servants answered, I felt more together. The servant led me into the room and when I saw her sweet, sweet smile light up her face at my arrival; all my fears faded away. I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her as if she was my lifeline. Then I showered her with kisses until both of us were out of breath; I pulled away from her to see that her sweet, sweet smile turned even lovelier. When she caught her breath she said “Arthur! Arthur! I love you so dearly, I love you more then my heart can bear. Oh, I love you so!” Dear Lucy’s word made my face turn a bright sanguine color, she laugh. “I love you dear Lucy, more then you will ever know. I want you to be mine and I yours. I want to love you more than my heart can bear and then more.” At that moment I got down on one knee and said “Dear Miss. Lucy will you become my wife?” Her face became even more joyful than before; then she pulled me to my feet, her eyes filling with tears and said, “I will! I will! I will become your wife Arthur Holmwood, I will.” I was so happy I gave her a passionate kiss and did not stop till we both were dizzy, not even when her mother came into the room. When I did stop we both turned to her mother and said “We are to be married.” Her mother became so overcome with joy she started to cry. Lucy looked at her mother’s tear-stained face then back at mine; I could see the joy in her very sole thru her smile.
At the end of the night, I looked into dear Lucy’s eyes as I stood on her doorstep and said, “I will love you always dear Lucy. I will love you more than the stars in the sky or the grains of sand on the shore. I will love you till death do us part and even then I will still love you.” She smiled her sweet, sweet smile and I kissed her on the cheek; then I bid her good night and went on my way.

3 September – I am very poignant about dear Lucy, she looks awful and it is getting worst everyday. I watched dear Lucy and she tries to act cheerful and well, but I can see in the poor dear’s eyes that she is in pain. I tried to ask her about it but her merrily placidity about it and says, “Arthur I am fine I just feel a little ill.” I got a very worried look on my face and then she said “Dear Arthur, my love I am fine, if it makes you feel better I will rest for a few days.” My worried expression softened, I cannot stay worried with her talking to me like that. Therefore, I gave in and sat at her bedside well she rested. I watched her like this for four days, and everyday it did not get any better. Dear Lucy would tell me every one of these days “Dear Arthur, please keep your head, I am well.” I tried as best I could to keep my head, but to see dear Lucy in pain makes me restless. So well, I was around her I tried not to show any signs of worry for her well-being.
Nevertheless, I was at my wits end by the end of these four days, so I wrote to my friend John Seward. His trituration is he works with people who are mentally ill; I thought he could help poor dear Lucy. When he replied to my letter, he said he would come and help my dear Lucy. I was happy to have his help with her, but shortly after I sent the first letter to Dr. Seward, I got a telegram to go see my father. Therefore, I sent a telegram to John that I would not be there when he came to see dear Lucy. He wrote me back saying he had seen Lucy and was sending for his friend Professor Van Helsing to help him with her. In addition, to day I got a letter from John saying that they have seen Lucy and that she has a disease that they cannot place yet. Therefore, he says they will keep watching her to see what is wrong. Oh, how I wish I could be with dear Lucy at this very moment in time of pain.

8 September – I am still very poignant for dear Lucy, for I when I got John’s letter about not to poignant tell he says so; only made me worry more, so I left my father as soon as I could to go see my dear Lucy. When I got to Lucy’s house her servant went to go tell her that I had come, but she came back to tell me “The doctors are working and can not let you in for the time being, but you can go in to the room right down the hall and wait for them to finish.” I became more worried than before but I followed the servant to the room she had spoke of and waited. However, I did not have to wait long for the John and Van Helsing came in to the room and started to talk. They were unaware of me for a long time until I said, “What is wrong with her and what can I do to help her.” That is when Van Helsing told me that I am to give my blood to Lucy from my vein to her to save her life. After telling me this, they toke me to Lucy’s boudoir and he started the process of my giving her blood. Even when giving blood willingly, it is still every painful work. When Van Helsing said I had given enough blood he told John to take me down stairs to eat something after the lose of my blood. Therefore, we went down stairs and I ate but John only watched me with worried eyes. When I was done, we went in to the parlor and waited until Van Helsing came down the stairs to say that dear Lucy is doing better and that it is time I go home and rest for a few days. Therefore, I left the house and got in my caleche, and I thought of poor Lucy the whole way home.


21 September – I had been in Lucy’s house for days and Van Helsing says the end is near. I was over whelmed with grief and did not know what to do. Van Helsing said there was nothing we could do but watch her closely tell the end. I started to pace around an hour before dear Lucy died, could not help myself. I felt so helpless and useless and the same time, as I wait to have John or Van Helsing come in to the room to have me come say my good-byes to dear Lucy. Soon enough Van Helsing can in to the room and told me it was time for to come say my good byes to dear Lucy. I was so stunned when I saw her; she looked more beautiful then when I had seen her when she was healthy. She looks so beautiful but she looked much paler then she should even for someone who is going to die. After Van Helsing had seen my shock he nodded and said, “She is going to die any time now go say your good-byes.” So I went over to her bed and said my good-byes, she got up out of her bed and said “Arthur, my love kiss me. Kiss me.” I bent over her eagerly to give her a good-bye kiss, but Van Helsing comes from behind me and throws me against the wall on the other sided of the room. I was agglomeration by his action of throwing me against the wall that I just sat their and stared at him. He stood in-between us as if a maelstrom between Lucy and him is going to happen, but in stand Lucy Just lays back down on her bed and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she looked kind and weak, Van Helsing looked at her then motioned to me to get off the floor and come to her. Therefore, I got up and a crossed the room to her bed; then Van Helsing said only hold her hand and kiss her forehead, so I did so. Then the life faded from her eyes and Van Helsing said, “She has died”. At that moment I was truly over-come with crushing grief, I fell to my knees and sobbed till John pulled me to my feet and walked me out to my caleche and sent my home. Even when I got to my home, I was still sobbing from the lose of my dear Lucy. In addition, at this moment in time when I am writing this I am still sobbing with grief at the lose of dear Lucy.

30 September - I went on a quest with Van Helsing, Dr. Seward, and Mr. Quincey to find Lucy. When we got to her tomb and Van Helsing opened her coffin, I was appalled that she really was gone. Truly I thought Van Helsing and John had lost their heads, but from the adduce I had seen with my own eyes I can say they are very sane men. Van Helsing said we had to go out to the tomb and wait tell Lucy came back so we can seal her in her tomb. Therefore, we went out of the tomb and we spared out in the graveyard, and waited until we saw Lucy. When we did, she looked like a true Demon and an angle at the same time. I was in a Trans as soon as her eyes were on mine; all I wanted to do is kiss dear Lucy at that moment at time. I left as if she was calling to me the whole time and that I had no choose but to bend to her will. Then out of nowhere Van Helsing jumped in between us like maelstrom was going to happen between Lucy and he like when Lucy tried to kiss me before she died, then he held up he golden crucifix and the trans was broken. When Van Helsing did that, he looked like an eminence over Lucy. Then he forced her back in to her tomb and sealed the door with things that she cannot stand. After that we attended to the child Lucy had been holding, even throw I had not seen the child until this moment in time. Van Helsing said we had to take the child to where the police could find it, and then we are to go back to the asylum and come back tomorrow to kill Lucy.
LIVE TO BE FREE EVERYDAY OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!:)
  





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Wed Apr 28, 2010 3:18 am
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Forestqueen808 says...



Hey Seeker! I'll be your reviewer today (since I know about AVID class xD and this seems interesting!)

Okay, I don't have any nitpicks. This is well written, and I could get the mood very well. It totally sounds like a journal, and I bet you intended that. It was well written, very thoughtful, and interesting. Great job, I love how you used "big" words and made it seem like it during that time era that you wrote it. Absolutely stunning!

I loved it!

~Forest
Sorrow lasts through this night
I'll take this piece of you,
and hold for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole... as you flew right through me.


~Sorrow by Flyleaf
  





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Sat May 01, 2010 2:55 am
Sela Locke says...



I don't know where you're getting your statistics.

This isn't a personal affront or anything like that--but this was terrible. I mean, you switched tenses, you used 'poignant' and 'eminence' in the entirely wrong places, and the speech was so robotic I thought someone might've simply asked a malfunctioning computer to type up a laughable version of Dracula. There's not enough to this, you didn't break to a new paragraph when a someone new spoke, and the characters were nonexistent.

Honestly, I'd like very much to say there was something about this that struck me, but I can't think of anything. The grammar was...ugh, the punctuation was hysterically insane, and there was absolutely zero plot.

So let me give you some advice. If I were you, I'd scrap this entirely and start over. Make it longer, work on getting the dialogue to sound less card-boardish, actually try to give the characters something besides the most boring and lifeless voices in storytelling history, and study up on your punctuation. Like where not to put semicolons and how to use commas and what periods/fullstops are for.

When you've revised, drop me a PM, 'kay? And don't forget--everyone starts out messy like this. It's only because they practice and practice and practice that they get any better. ;-D

-SELA
Well, I can't eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs. One should always eat muffins quite calmly. It is the only way to eat them.

--Algernon, The Importance of Being Earnest
  





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Wed May 19, 2010 2:36 am
seeker742 says...



thanks frost for the review!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D
LIVE TO BE FREE EVERYDAY OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!:)
  





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Wed May 19, 2010 2:41 am
seeker742 says...



thanks for the review SELA i think... :? :? :? :? :?
LIVE TO BE FREE EVERYDAY OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!:)
  








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