Young Writers Society

When they arried in the practice area, Axel immediatly jumped into the center of the area.
"Come on, Roxas!" He exclaimed excitedly. "See if you can beat me!
Roxas smiled and ran into the ring. The Kingdom Key appeared in his hand as he got into stance.
"Oh, no! What am I to fight with?!" Axel whined playfully, then laughed in an evily-playful way, "Oh, wait! I know!" His chakrams appeared in his hands in rings of fire. "Ladies first."
Roxas smirked and jumped in the air, pulling back his arms. Axel leaped back, expecting him to try and attack him. But instead, Roxas landed in front of him and striked him twice with the keys.
Axel stumbled back and shook his head. "You're better than I thought, kid. But now, it's my turn." His chakrams began to spin and catch fire. He threw one at Roxas, but he jumped. Expecting this, He threw the other at him in the air. Roxas blocked it, crossing his keyblades over each other.
As they fought and laughed, Xemnas and Saix watched form a high-up balcony.
"Seems they are getting along just fine, Xemnas," Siax observed.
"Yes," he agreed, "Better than I thought..."
Saix looked at him. "Is that a bad thing?"
"I hope not. If Roxas gets in the way of Axel and his missions, we may have to let him go."
"True." He looked back to their fight. "Very True..."
Both Axel and Roxas were now on oppoiste sides of the ring, staring at each other and panting heavily.
"Just give up, Axel!" Roxas called.
Axel looked up at him and smiled. "Fine..."
Roxas let down his guard and smiled, straightening himself.
"Righht after this!" He Axel exclaimed as he threw his burning chakrams at Roxas. They both striked him and made him fall back. "Damn," he muttered, letting the keys disappear.
Axel's chakrams burned away as he walked up to Roxas and crouched in front of him.
"You're a good fighter, but I'm still better," he laughed. "But I'll teach you how to fight better...Then you MIGHT be able to beat me...Might..." He stood up and held out his hand.
Roxas looked up at him and smiled. He grabbed Axel's hand as he pulled him to his feet. They chuckled softly as Roxas brushed himself off.
Ever since that day, Axel has been teaching Roxas more and more about fighting, the rules of the Organization, and the members themselves. And every day, the two became closer and closer friends.

Once again, nice work!

One thing I noticed - you say early on that the Kingdom Key appeared in Roxas' hand, but the rest of the story has Roxas dual-wielding. Where'd the other Key come from?

Also, a suggestion - more details! What kind of room are they in? What does the Kingdom Key look like, for those who have never played Kingdom Hearts? What are chakrams? What do Axel and Roxas look like?

Oooone more thing...at the beginning of the section/post, you might want to let people know that they should read the first part...first. Just to clarify for some, eh?

- G

Aw, I find this cute. I always loved Roxas's and Axel's scenes when they're all acting friendly and whatnot! I think you should continue and add more details because I can only picture it in my head because I've played the games, others, who might have not played the second game where Roxas is in, might not know what he looks like. I mean, yeah he looks like Sora, but his hair is cuter and less pointer and a lighter color. So, you should totally work on that, but this was good!

You had a couple spelling mistakes, one in the first sentence and you added an extra H in the part where Axel says "Right after this!"

Roxas is defiantly a better fighter than me...I kept losing to Axel even though you weren't required to beat him in the first Kingdom Hearts game, same with Cloud. Lol.

Good job, I really like this story, it makes me want to write one, but again, I suck at all fanffictions besides Alice in Wonderland

I think this is quite funny, although a little vague but I did find a few errors, mainly grammatical because I can not pick on anything but grammar... anyway, in

When they arried in the practice area

I think you forgot to add the 'p' in parried.
And the past tense for strike is not striked contrary to popular belief but struck.
Immediatly has an 'e' in it. Immediately.
Evilly has two 'l's.
Here

Expecting this, He threw the other at

He should not be capitalized.
I think you mean

Xemnas and Saix watched form a high-up

from here, not form.

He looked back to their fight. "Very True..."

You capitalized true here although it shouldn't be.

Ever since that day, Axel has been teaching Roxas more and more about fighting, the rules of the Organization, and the members themselves. And every day, the two became closer and closer friends.

I think this sentence is in the wrong tense. If I were to reword this, I would say, "Ever since that day, Axel taught Roxas more and more about fighting etc.
Don't think of this review as flaming you or a degrading review. I just want to help :] That and get more points. If you're new, then I guess you wouldn't know that the more you review, the more points you get. And the more points you get the more gifts you can buy :]
Goodbye.