Young Writers Society

Back in fourth grade we did a project on a little book called Trouble River. It's about this kid named Dewey and his grandmother being left in their cabin while Dewey's ma and pa were in a place called Hunter City because his ma was having a baby. And Indians were attacking Dewey and his grandma. They take off on a raft down trouble river in search of Hunter City
So, I was asked to write an alternate ending. This is pretty old, I revised it a little bit when I found a few spelling or grammar mistakes but this is the real thing.
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The rapids were swirling around the little raft, making Dewey sea sick. Water stung Dewey's eyes, and he cringed. The 'Rosey B' twirled and they curved around a cliff.
Dewey caught a glimpse of the shore, it was Hunter City. Dewey glanced sideways at his poor grandmother. She was out of her rocking chair and clinging with her frail fingers, onto the wooden raft.
Dewey shoved his oar into the murky water in an attempt to steer them but the oar was snapped in half. He dropped the broken oar into the water and looked desperately to the shore for help. He tried to call to them but no sound came out.
The men and women ashore started to notice them. A fishing boat was urgently pushed off the shore and into the deadly rapids. The boat held two men upon it, one had a rope.
Their two boats were a foot apart. The man threw a rope to Dewey and he extended his hand, grabbing hold of the rope. The man pulled as Dewey struggled to keep his footing on the wet and slippery wood.
Dewey's raft clunked against the ship and Dewey gripped the rope tighter. He helped his grandma to her feet, the cold water drenching and lapping against Dewey's feet. Dewey shivered and watched as pieces of wood drifted from the raft and getting spun wildly in the rapids they would have entered.
Dewey stepped across the edge of the boat and onto safety. The men paddled against the rough current, their muscles rippling.
Dewey wrapped his arms around his grandma, watching how she shivered and her teeth chattered. His grandma was completely still, as if she didn't notice Dewey was there.
" We made it," He whispered into her ear. " We made it to Hunter City."

* * *
The warmth of his ma's embrace filled Dewey with joy. He sat in a wooden cabin. His pa holding the new baby girl and his ma welcoming him.
" I can't believe how brave you were, Dewey. You must have been so scared." His ma exclaimed, brushing his now dry brown hair from his eyes. Dewey said nothing.
" I'll go get you and grandma something warm to drink." She said, hurrying off into the kitchen. Dewey's dad looked at Dewey, his big brown eyes wide.
" I can't wait to here all about it son." His pa said, his crisp and firm voice sounding like honey against Dewey's ear. Dewey nodded, lost from words.
Dewey smiled, enjoying the pine scent of the cabin and the company and hospitality of the city and his family. They had made it to Hunter City.

I know this is super short, but I just re-did part of the last chapter so the part I re-did wasn't huge anyway. Hope you enjoyed and reviews are appreciated!
Thanks!
-Jessica

I'm curious to know what the original ending to this was. I like this. I feel you could expand it more, of course--maybe add on to the action, make it a little more dramatic. Dewey was a little flat as a character, and we hardly heard anything about his grandmother. Also, you should put in more dialogue. You had some with his parents, but it'd be cool if you added conversation between Dewey and his grandmother.
Those are just some suggestions I would make to strengthen the piece. It's a great idea, though. It's really descriptive for a fourth grader's work, too. Keep writing.

hehe thank you! Yeah, I worked on just that little piece for days, that was part of a huge project that was most of my grade. : )

Thanks,
Jessica

The real ending was much like this I just added a struggle to get to shore.