z

Young Writers Society


Crimson Night



User avatar



Gender: Male
Points: 300
Reviews: 0
Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:33 am
Saffron says...



White snow continued to fall onto the premise of Cross Academy. It was a peaceful place, completely void of sound besides that of the wind which caused the trees to gently sway and crackle. To those few humans whom caught a peek of the Academy at night, it must have certainly seemed like a dead place. Void of students. Void of teachers. Void of any presence at all really, -- besides the prefects whom conducted nightly patrols. But of course, they were ignorant of the truth, as were most people. For the reason this place seemed so void of life wasn't because there was none, -- classes still ran, teachers still taught, students still mingled. No, the only difference was that these students didn't share the same traits of their day time counterparts.

Or the same race, for that matter...

"I'm sorry to hear it, your fathers death was such a sudden tragedy" murmured the pony-tailed blond, resting his elbows on the desk in front of him. Sitting comfortably on the couch in front of said desk, Subaru took a bite out of a small biscuit, crumbs dropping to the ground. Finally, his eyes rose to look at the person in front of him, a slight smile crossing his lips. "It seems as though you're quite versed in the events of our world, Chairman-San" he spoke coolly, as though uninterested in a conversation regarding his father. "But your condolences are unnecessary" the brunette rose from the couch, setting a still steaming teacup down on a side table and walking towards a window that overlooked the campus, -- "after all, death is something not even my kind can avoid, no?" blue eyes tuned away from the window, Subaru searching the face of the Chairman for any noticeable response.

Disturbed? Shocked? Appalled? But no, none of those emotions were present. All there was, -- was confusion. And but of course, after all, wasn't the death of a parent suppose to be a dramatic experience for a child? Still, it seemed he had succeeded in at least causing a silence. "Well, in any case, -- your presence here is a pleasure, -- Yuuki-Chan should be here shortly" he spoke, shattering the silence and giving a small smile to try and dissipate it further. Almost as if on cue, a short brown haired girl clattered through the doors right then. "Ah, sorry I'm late---!" standing up straight and smiling, Yuuki gave a small wave and bowed slightly. "The patrols have been more vigirous with the, well...." she trailed off, but of course everyone in the room understood what she meant. Level E's had begun to spring up in much larger numbers and because of this any potential target had to be on high alert. Including Cross Academy, it would seem.

Kaien stood up and nodded, gesturing towards Subaru whom still stood by the window. "Yuuki, this is Aoki-San, he will be joining the Night Class...for a time" Kaien looked at his daughter hopefully "would you mind showing him around for the time being?". "It's a pleasure meeting you, Cross, Yuuki-Kun, your father has...told me a lot, about you" a small smile rose on Subaru's lips, that was certainly one of the first things he'd noticed about Kaien. Who knew, perhaps it would be useful in the future?

"O-Of course!" she nodded furiously, clearly determined. 'Was she...expecting a day student, perhaps?' "Shall we go then?" opening the door, she looked back at the brunette and straightened her posture, trying to act stately. Subaru found it highly amusing to say the least, the way some people seemed to act around him. A small chuckle rose to his red lips as he nodded.

"Aiko-San, should you need anything---"

Aiko didn't bother to look back. "Of course Chairman-San, I'm sure my stay here will be nothing but...pleasurable" enunciating the last few words particularly, Subaru walked out, Yuuki not far behind as she shut the door.

✄ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ♥

"I think that about covers it really" the wind had begun to pick up since the start of said 'tour', Yuuki taking a seat on top of a small wooden table in the open lunch yard. Subaru ran a hand along one of the marble columns under the upper wraparound, soft blue eyes turning to rest on Yuuki. "You seem tired, are your patrols always this...lonely?" it was an observation made all the more true by the way she snapped up at the voice, seemingly pulled from a bout of sleep. "Aehhh" she grinned, embarrassed, reaching around to scratch the back of her head to mitigate this "my partner isn't feeling well" a hint of worry poked around somewhere in her voice, but she quickly regained herself. "So I'm on patrol alone tonight"

Subaru nodded, walking forward and taking a seat next to her. He noticed a slight stiffness occur in her back as the Vampire sat "there's no need to be so apprehensive" a lighthearted laugh seemed to calm her posture though, and she simply nodded, kicking her legs slightly. Out of the corner of his eye, Subaru could see the female biting her lip. "Is there something you wanted to ask me, Cross-Kun?" he inquired. At first, Yuuki seemed to be a bit caught off guard. As though her thoughts had been read. But reminding herself of the company she was in, she let a small but nervous grin press against her lips. "Well, it isn't too often we get people like..." she trailed off momentarily, searching for the correct word "you around here" she finally settled on.

"And you want to know why I'm here, right?" Subaru cupped his chin in his hands as though expecting this question. "I'm here..." his voice almost seemed uncertain, as though he himself weren't quite sure why. Or perhaps he was simply choosing his words carefully? "In order to help someone dear to me" shifting backwards and resting on his elbows, blue eyes drifted away from Yuuki and towards the dark sky. A nod. It was vague, sure, but Yuuki didn't feel like she had any right to pry. Plus, wasn't it somewhat similar to her own predicament...?

A large gust of air blew throughout, causing the trees to crackle ferociously. Yuuki leaned up in order to pull her uniform closer, ---

Subaru was the first to notice it, of course.

The figure emerged from the shrubbery at that exact moment, lunging towards the two whom sat on the bench. Subaru quickly flipped off the bench, taking Yuuki's hand in his own and pulling her along into the air and landing a few feet away. Smashing through the air itself just moments after, where his two targets should have been, the now clearly visible level E crouched on the floor a little ways away from the now smashed wooden bench. A hissing sound erupted from his throat. Fangs bared outward.

Snatching the metal pole from under her skirt, Artemis was quickly extended to it's full length in a matter of seconds. "No, I'll deal with this" Subaru murmured, clicking his tongue with a soft 'tsk' sound. It didn't take the Level E long to notice it's grave mistake, a look of horror washing over its face. 'You really did pick the wrong night to...annoy me' the thoughts were matched by an equally irritated facial expression, as though he'd been in the middle of something important. The creature begun to back up, hissing sounds still following as it looked for a way, -- any way, to escape.

"You've fallen to such a pitiful level as this?" Subaru murmured lowly, taking a step forward. Staring at the Level E directly, -- the Purebloods eyes softly went red for a few seconds before turning to normal, causing the lower life to stop in its tracks. A look of fear still predominant on its face. The brunette sighed lightly, cupping the creatures chin in his hands once he was close enough, tilting it up slightly so they were at eye level. Yuuki gasped, but Subaru simply turned back and gave her a grin so as to tell her 'this is easy' or something of the like, before turning back to the Level E. "But...there's something different about you...could it be?" taking a long look, Subaru simply shook his head "perhaps not, -- well...in that case, allow me to end this" raising his hand, a non natural gust begun to blow through even stronger.

The Level E tried to break free, -- and in a momentary will to live even managed to run his elongated nails against the top of Subaru's hand, defying his superiors control and drawing blood. "Wwwhhhyyyy?" he screeched lowly, an odd look coming over his face. Of fear? Of sadness? Or of...recognition? "Tch!" At that moment the wind finally picked up, blowing harshly in a funnel fashion between them two. The Level E screeched before all went silent. The wind stopped, and in it's place a pile of ash remained.

"Yuukiiiiiiii~~~!!!!!" the voice broke the sudden silence. "YUUKKIII~~!!!" Kaien called again, positively going ecstatic at the sight of his adopted daughter, running towards where the two stood in the main yard. "Your okay" he exclaimed again. Subaru turned around to stare at them, Kaien looking up from nearly cutting off his daughters circulation, a more serious look passing across his face while Yuuki still looked shocked. "It was, then?" he asked gravely. Subaru smiled lightly, bringing his hand closer to his lips to slowly lick the drippled blood away.

"Nothing I couldn't handle" the voice was assured "but, let's be glad it didn't happen during the day, neh?"
  





User avatar



Gender: Male
Points: 300
Reviews: 0
Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:37 am
Saffron says...



Alright, this is something I wrote for a role-play based on the Vampire Knight anime.
Honestly, I don't really think qualifies as a 'short story' per se so much as an exert from one characters perception. But I wanted to get something up that would at least show how I write, and work off of that.
From here, I hope to actually start writing stuff especially for the site when something hits me. ^^

Maybe I'll take the idea I had for this -- I had a whole background worked out for the character that I never got to use, and roll with that.
Meh...
  





User avatar
82 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 4449
Reviews: 82
Sat Oct 30, 2010 10:13 pm
Celticmusicgirl says...



ok to begin with honestly I do not know much about this particular anime but I will try to give you a good review here. This overall was pretty good. It was quite fascinating really. You write very well.
So I wish you had said that this was from vampire Knight in the beginning. it would have been a bit less confusing." "I'm sorry to hear it, your fathers death was such a sudden tragedy" murmured the pony-tailed blond, resting his elbows on the desk in front of him. Sitting comfortably on the couch in front of said desk, Subaru took a bite out of a small biscuit, crumbs dropping to the ground." there was one error I spotted here or it seems like an error to me. Where you said "Sitting comfortably on the couch in front of said desk, " you kind of confused me a bit. One other thing that I noticed early in the story was it took a moment to figure out that this is about vampires however, this is not soemthign that has to be corrected, it is optional. Then, I am not certain in the first parts of who these characters are they are just random vamps talking. Maybe you could say what their names are earlier in the story.
"But your condolences are unnecessary" the brunette rose from the couch, setting a still steaming teacup down on a side table and walking towards a window that overlooked the campus, -- "after all, death is something not even my kind can avoid, no?" blue eyes tuned away from the window, Subaru searching the face of the Chairman for any noticeable response.
This is something else I noticed. You have a question mark at the end of the quote which indicates the end of the sentence. If the next part about the brunnette turning his gaze to the other vamp is another sentence entirely then you should capitalize the "B" in blue eyes.
"I'm sorry to hear it, your fathers death was such a sudden tragedy" murmured the pony-tailed blond, resting his elbows on the desk in front of him.
ok so I think there should be a comma after tradgedy and then you should probably take out the comma after ponytailed blonde and say who was or that was or somethign along those lines. it should read: "I'm sorry to hear it, your fathers death was such a sudden tragedy," murmured the pony-tailed blond who was resting his elbows on the desk in front of him.
Or something like this.
Ok so basically most of this stuff if you were to: use spell check, proof read or punctuate like similar phrases are in books then maybe you wouldn't make so many errors.
Nothing major just needs descption as to who these people are to begin with and what anime this is other wise people will get a bit confused in my opinion.
All in all I think you should keep writing. Let your imagination and creativity run wild. Most imprtantly: Have fun writing because if you enjoy writing something that you post then readers will more than likely enjoy it too.

Any questions at all feel free to PM me. I will do the best I can to help you out.
"No life is forever. We found and fought here. We loved and died here... The crops whither and the bones of hunger walk the sunken roads... The land has failed us... In dance and song we gift and mourn our children. They carry us over the ocean in dance and song.
-American Wake by Riverdance
  








Ogres are like onions.
— Shrek