Young Writers Society

lol I thought this was funny.
I like harry potter and I like twilight. So I really like the way you've put that together
I like how harry and Edward have a total convo while just ignoring Bella.
I thought the spelling was fine.
keep writing

Hey,
I must say, that was soooo funny!
I am ashamed to say that I loved how you pertrayed Bella to be an idiot.
I personally don't care about punctuation and capitalism, as long as they know what you are writing is all you need, really.
I really loved it and again, it was really funny.
Happy holidays!-oh cheesecake!
btw: I give you props, because cheesecake is of course my favorite cake, therefore you are awesome!

Oh my god.

I love this!

The grammar, punctuation, capitalization and all of that need work but you've got such a good idea going that it will be read and loved regardless. You've made my day!

wow this was so funny I love the Twilight/Harry Potter parody. I especially love how you made Bella clueless. Keep writing.

Since everyone else has already pointed out all the grammar mistakes I'll point out the parts I like...

"What does it look like i'm doing, i'm taking Bella for a piggy back ride" said Edward

Harry noticed Bella.

"Well hello gorgeous...." said Harry as he licked his hand and straightened his untidy hair.

Bella stares back. replies "..uh...i ..i..but..i..cheese cake"

"FOR THE LAST TIME I WILL GET YOU A CHEESE CAKE ON OUR WAY BACK TO FORKS!!" shouted Edward

" well we were in the same aisle....he was buying mac and cheese" replied edward

"dude...can you still sparkle?" asked harry

"maybe.....WANNA SEE?"

"OOOO!! I DO! I DO!" said bella

Lol

Keep writing,
Alzora

Hi! Since everyone already commented about the punctuation and grammar and all that lovely business, I'm just here to compliment you on your hilarity and comic genius Every once in a while, you need something like this to just brighten your day because it mocks the stupidity of certain famous books *cough*twilight*cough* did you hear something?

Hehe anyway, I'm glad there's more parts to this. Definitely more fun than reading boring old serious stories right now

Keep writing!
<3 Sara.