Young Writers Society

I rolled my eyes. Angel tried a smile, but I scowled at her until she retreated into her bedroom. She had better lock the door tonight. I turned back to Fang. He looked petrified. Well, good. He should be. I stalked out of the room with my arms crossed over my chest and plopped onto the bed. After a while, I heard Nudge tearing down the hallway and into the living room.

"Fang!" She squealed. Good. I'm happy for her. The poor kid needs some happiness in her short, messed up life. I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. Yeah, right. Sleep? Me? When does that happen? So instead, I sprawled out on the floor, spread my wings, and layed there. How peaceful... Until there was a crash, a scream, and a growl. What the?... I ran out into the kitchen and living room, and saw that there was a whole in the roof. My mouth dropped open as men and women dropped out of the sky and onto the living room carpet. Gazzy looked like he was in shock.

"Spies!" He shouted.

"Shut up, kid!" One of the 'spies' growled. He pointed guns at us, "Come with us, and we'll let you live." Of course, the nice guy approach. I smiled as sweetly as I could and tiptoed up to him.

"Excuse me, sir. We'd appreciate it if maybe, next time, you at least used a door? I mean, we had the heat on, and I just put this new carpet down..." I tried to sound as girlish and innocent as I could. Then, wham! The poor man took a kick in the crotch and a hard punch in the stomach. Haha!

"Attack!" I cried. And of course, we attacked, but these guys did,too. They all spun on their heels and morphed into an animal that was big, hairy, fanged, quick and blood-thirsty. An animla that I had never seen in my life. I had heard that the white-coats were putting out a new experiment. Shape-shifters, which I referred to as Lazers. This was not going to be a pretty fight.

I really enjoyed that. When I read the title I was expecting it to do with something godly, or atleast religously. But then with the spies and how she kicked the guy in the crotch. This was a really cool story for me to read, it was short, but it was entertaining. I congratulate you on this peice. Although they are some mistakes:

"Attack!" I cried. And of course, we attacked, but these guys did,too. They all spun on their heels and morphed into an animal that was big, hairy, fanged, quick and blood-thirsty. An animla that I had never seen in my life. I had heard that the white-coats were putting out a new experiment. Shape-shifters, which I referred to as Lazers. This was not going to be a pretty fight.

First off, you don't nesseseraly start a sentence with and, but it is accepted. You also didn't put a space between the t and the ,. I think adding the quick made it too long of a list also you mis-typed animal as animla also I don't think lazers need a capital letter.