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Supernatural- full chapter one and prologue



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Thu Jan 20, 2011 10:28 pm
MysticalBlood says...



I remember you guys wanted to me to carry on, so i did. =D I'm busy at the moment, so chapter two will probably be along next month or something. :/


PROLOGUE

As the two brothers step into the shining black Chevrolet, the sky bleeds red and the sun begins to fall. It is only a matter of time before the Grim Reaper casts his shadows of misery and darkness across the furthest reaches of land.
They may walk for miles, but there will be always something waiting for them, something amongst the swaying branches, groaning in the constant wind. That something will have no mercy, for it’s blackened heart and dangerous conscious will crave for the dark red liquid that shimmers in the moonlight. It will never be quenched or full of flesh, for it will always have the desire to hunt, to kill.
All of the creatures of the darkness have a craving for blood, a craving to satisfy their selfish needs in which harm thousands of people around them. They never stop to think of what they’re doing… only how they’re doing it and what it’s getting them. It’s getting them closer and closer to the clutches of Lucifer. He who fell from the heaven’s because he would not commit to the people of Earth. His white feathers blackened by the ink of night.
Lucifer, trapped and caged in the depths of hell… all of his deadly desires will never reach the young men again, and his thirsty clutch will never get a hold on Sam Winchester.



CHAPTER ONE

“Dude,” Dean’s deep dialect was muffled as he chewed on a golden chicken leg.
“You’re lagging.”
Looking at his brother in fascinated disgust, Sam only laughed and rested his bulky arms on the car door, right hand firmly gripping the steering wheel.
“We have another two hours to get there, it’s fine. We’ll make it.” Sam reassured, cocking his head to the side and back to the front, keeping his gaze away from the greasy bucket of chicken legs his brother was feasting on.
“Sammy, there’s something I know about you that you don’t. You’re not a good driver.”
“Oh, man, seriously? Don’t try and do that, just because I have no soul doesn’t mean I can’t remember what I can and can’t do.”
Sam flinched as Dean chucked another chicken leg in his mouth, not even attempting to close his mouth as he ate like a snorting pig. “Ha,” laughed Dean, and he slyly wiped his grease-covered fingers on Sam’s leather jacket.
“Ah! Dude, that’s gross,” Sam groaned, shuffling as far away as he possibly could in his seat from Dean, jaw clenched.
“Pull over and let me drive.” Dean commanded, finishing his last chicken leg and licking his fingertips.
“Ugh, no. No chance. Your fingers are covered in grease, and licking them doesn’t fix that Dean.”
“Awe c’mon, it’s been four hours and I’m bored off my head.”
Frustrated and fed up, Sam shrugged off his brother’s offer and continued to drive straight forward down the endless road. “I know enough to know that I’m angry right now. I don’t get tired, you do. You’re a health hazard; I mean… have you seen you? You’re basically living on junk food, you are clearly traumatized and you’re hunting skills are well off. You need your beauty sleep.”
Dean sighed, too tired to even bother fighting back. That much was obvious.
“Bitch,” Dean said under his breath.
“Jerk,” Sam muttered.
Sam chuckled and kept his eyes straight forward, ignoring the sounds of Dean’s lips smacking together like a hungry lion cub. At least he could feel that. Annoyance. Everything else just seemed to be a blur and Sam hated it. But he loved it all the same. Without his soul, he wouldn’t have to worry about feeling guilt after killing someone who needed to die. According to Dean, he would have felt it. At least the old Sam would.
“Dude, you really should pull over,” Dean said, stiffening in his seat and squinting at something up ahead. “I think that’s…”
“Hello boys,”
Sam slammed the break down, heart in his chest and eyes wide, and lurched forward in his seat. His head smashed into the steering wheel, and he felt his vision begin to blur. He didn’t quite understand what had happened until his eyes came into focus and he looked in the rearview mirror.
Castiel.
Sam lifted his hand to his head and felt a small cut oozing a river of blood down the side of his face. He took a glance to Dean who was clutching the dashboard, face struck with fear and teeth clenched. There wasn’t a scratch on his face, but his blond hair looked slightly ruffled.
“Dude,” Dean hissed, hands still gripping the dashboard. “What the hell was that? You don’t just appear like that! You were right in front of the frickin’ car standing there like a zombie and decided ‘oh, I think I’ll just pop into the car, nothing bad will happen. It’s only the most natural event for a guy to materialize in the back seat’.”
Castiel’s facial features showed no readable expression, instead he lowered his eyebrows and said in a flat voice; “I’m sorry. I… I guess I thought you would be used to it.”
“Well, we’re not.” Dean said, glancing at Sam and then through the window.
Sam frowned then turned to Castiel. “What are you doing here, Castiel?”
Castiel shifted in his brown trench coat and scratched his head, messing his brown hair up and causing it to point unevenly in different directions. “I’m might have a possible lead on another trickster – if you’re willing to have a look at it. At first I thought maybe Gabriel had come back from the dead, but it would appear not. It sounds ridiculous when you put it like that but yes, another trickster and it’s nearby, Chicago in fact. This one you really need to kill, its tricking angels into believing innocent humans are demons, and I really am struggling here amongst hundreds of others.”
“This sounds familiar.” Dean huffed and looked ahead miserably. “Remember our friends? Ellen and Jo?”
“I’m sorry,” Castiel said, looking down at his thumbs, faces contorted into a strained look of what looked like possible sadness.
“You sure as hell don’t look it,” Dean grumbled, opening his window and throwing the rest of his chicken legs away.
There was complete silence in the car for what seemed like forever. The only noises to be heard was the ghost like whoosh of the wind outside and Dean’s agitated breathing. Sam did his best to stay quiet. Soul or not, he knew this was a time where you shouldn’t speak.
Cas – did not.
“This is awkward? Right?” Castiel asked, eyebrows pushing together in hope for approval of his comment.
“Cas, it’s a moment where you shut the hell up and say nothing. Just tell us where in Chicago it is will you?” Dean grumbled, turning to face Castiel.
Castiel had gone.
“Sonofabitch.”
'This isn't funny Dean, the voice says i'm almost out of minutes!' - Castiel
~ Nothing is true, everything is permitted... Live by the Creed... Be Discreet...
  





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Thu Jan 27, 2011 11:44 pm
Tenyo says...



Hey Mystic!

I really like this! I'm probably not as much of a dedicated fan of Supernatural as other members on this site, but I enjoyed it none the less. If I dare to say, the characters in this seemed even more vivid than the ones on tv, you've done a fantastic job of bringing them to life - even Castiel, who I don't think I ever watched enough of the series to meet.

In most other stories the constant reference to Dean eating would get a bit tiring, but in this it just made it even funnier to read. I also liked the words being squished together on the last line. In any other situation I would point this out as a huge no-no, but you've pulled off the style so well that you can get away with it.

The one thing I must be critical about is the overuse of commars. This usually happens when you (the writer) try too hard to slow the pace, kind of like forcing your reader to read at the pace of the voice in your head. Commars should be used to separate clauses, and for clarity more than anything else. The easiest way to avoid this is to read each sentence without the commar. If it still makes sense without a pause, leave the commar out. Only put them where neccesary, and once you have the hang of that it's easy to re-introduce them for the purpose of technique.
We were born to be amazing.
  





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Fri Jan 28, 2011 1:24 am
Soup6647 says...



Hey nice job.

So I do enjoy the show Supernatural - definitely one of my guilty pleasures - and therefore most of the things I am going to say are more of my opinion, and therefore up to you with what you'd like to do about them.


shining black Chevrolet


Yes the car is a Chevy but it is also the IMPALA!!! I mean we all know how Dean loves this car, and this is one of those personal things but I would say "Shining black Impala" over Chevrolet. Sounds cooler :)

a craving to satisfy their selfish needs in which harm thousands of people


This sentence doesn't really flow or make sense. I think you meant to say "A craving to satisfy their selfish needs in which thousands of people will be harmed" or something like that.

It’s getting them closer and closer to the clutches of Lucifer.


Now this is a fanfic so obviously you have free reign to do what you want. As a note though most of the creatures out their hate the angels, and thus Lucifer. Remember in the Episode Hammer of the Gods, when all the Deities get together to plan to kill Lucifer. I'm just saying it doesn't get them closer to him. If you are working some angle or trying something new then keep it, but as a whole it doesn't go with the already created Supernatural Universe.

“Ah! Dude, that’s gross,” Sam groaned, shuffling as far away as he possibly could in his seat from Dean, jaw clenched.


Classic Sam and Dean, I liked it :)

“Awe c’mon, it’s been four hours and I’m bored off my head.”


Might be me but I don't know if I have ever heard the phrase, "bored off my head." Just sounds odd. Maybe "bored out of my mind," or something like that would be better. Then again these aren't conventional characters. :)

“Dude,” Dean hissed, hands still gripping the dashboard. “What the hell was that? You don’t just appear like that! You were right in front of the frickin’ car standing there like a zombie and decided ‘oh, I think I’ll just pop into the car, nothing bad will happen. It’s only the most natural event for a guy to materialize in the back seat’.”


I liked this, I could really see Dean saying something like that

Well I liked it. Well written with very few errors that I saw. You did a good job portraying the characters, and since the Trickster was always my favorite I am interested to see where you are going with this.
  





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Sat Jan 29, 2011 1:32 pm
MysticalBlood says...



Wah hay, thank you guys! I've been waiting ages for a review! You guys are awesome. =D Oh, and yeah... i figured out it was an impala when i watched spn again. And whoops, 'bored off my head'... um... that's kind of local slang, i'll change it, i forgot there's not just northerner people reading this xD

Thank you!
'This isn't funny Dean, the voice says i'm almost out of minutes!' - Castiel
~ Nothing is true, everything is permitted... Live by the Creed... Be Discreet...
  





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Sat Feb 05, 2011 5:43 am
SuicideCrusader says...



I fail to see the connection with Ellen and Joe could you explain? I am interested in seeing this trickster and how one can mess with an angel's mind. Please continue. I would like to see what will happen.
  





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Sat Feb 19, 2011 10:12 am
MysticalBlood says...



haha i know, it's just that the demon thing reminded dean of ellen and jo and when that town was made to think each other were demons by one of the horsemen's rings, and that reminded him of death, which reminded him of ellen and jo dying.
um... i guess i should work on that bit xD
'This isn't funny Dean, the voice says i'm almost out of minutes!' - Castiel
~ Nothing is true, everything is permitted... Live by the Creed... Be Discreet...
  








The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitudes.
— Viktor Frankl