Young Writers Society

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel nor any of their characters.

2

The next morning Morlun and MJ arrived in Dresden, Germany. The legend of Mephisto started here, thus here is where the trial would start. Morlun and MJ checked into a fancy hotel so the woman could rest up for her journey. The vampire sat in a maroon chair, watching MJ sleep, remembering what happened the first time they had met. How Spiderman had over powered him in a desperate attempt to save the love of his life. Never in his life had he been over powered. He was once out smarted but never over powered. Morlun had to know why. There were two possibilities to explain. One was that it was a fluke or two, Spiderman was fuelled by love. He had to have an answer before he faced his dinner again.
The afternoon came and MJ entered the shower while Morlun waited in the lobby, ready to take her to dinner. He wouldn't dare stray far from MJ knowing that Mephisto may attack early to keep MJ from entering the trial. The demon removed their love because he feared it would be his destruction. Morlun wondered if his own death gave the demon lord that thought. None the less Morlun wanted answers about how he was so easily defeated and would not allow anyone to stop him.
MJ came down in a sparkling red designer dress. "So do you know any places to eat here?" MJ asked nervously.
Morlun thought back to the German superhero he used as a snack. "I remember having a bite when I was last here." He answered with a cruel smile.
The two went to a fancy restaurant. Morlun ordered some wine and their meals before MJ started to converse with her compainion, "What did you order us?"
"I would tell but I fear you might not eat it if you knew." Morlun replied, receiving a giggle from MJ.
"You know, one would think this is a date. A fancy restaurant, expensive wine, us dressed in our best."
"I do wish the occasion called for it but I'm afraid this is all a gesture of mercy. I do believe you will succeed, however I want you to have an evening of peace before your night of hell." Morlun replied.
After that conversation the dinner became silent, leaving MJ to wonder what she had gotten herself into. Was she really ready for the trial? Would she succeed? Her memories drifted back to a night when a car almost hit her when she was in a cab. Her heart pounded with fear as she wondered how her husband went out every night to fight crime and not lose his mind. It was how she felt right now. Coming back to the present, MJ realized she had better learn Peter's secret before the trial. After dinner MJ got dressed in a black sleeveless turtleneck, blue jeans, and brown hiking boots, feeling the outfit would be more battle worthy. MJ met her guide down stairs before proceeding to the cemetery. Morlun led the way through cemetery at mid-night to a completely sealed tomb. The vampiric creature punched through stone house, leading to a lost passageway. He quickly stepped in as MJ remained hesitant about the challenge. She knew she was fighting for something important yet this was also a trial where she could die. MJ was never the heroic one in this life. She tried to break through Mephisto's wall further in an attempt to see if she was ever heroic in her marriage. Her mind flashed to a bridge where the Green Goblin was about to kill her husband. Pulling out a gun hidden in her purse she fired in an attempt to save her husband.
"Mrs. Parker, are you coming?" Morlun asked poking his head out.
"Yeah, I was just thinking." She replied quickly before entering the passage way. The inside was covered in unusual and horrifying designs that Mary Jane couldn't describe. However the look of them was rather satanic that increasing her nervousness with every step. At the end of the underground hall were two large doors.
"This is your final chance to turn back. Once the trial begins there is no way out." Morlun said, staring at the door.
MJ closed her eyes as her mind floated back when Peter was on the run from the law and she was about to be arrested unless she gave S.H.I.E.L.D her husband's location. Her only reply to S.H.I.E.L.D was 'Arrest me.' Mary Jane opened her eyes, replying with full confidence."I don't want to turn back. I want my husband."
MJ started towards the door until Morlun called. "Wait. I have gift for you." Mary Jane looked at Morlun curiously as he pulled out a sword, brightening the room. The metal was silver with violet edges. The hilt was royal purple connecting to six purple sapphires. "I had it specially made for you. I went with purple to be the symbol of love. To me, red is just too angry and pink is alright for a young love, but not a love that has endured so much and still survived." MJ took the sword, amazed how light the blade was. Wanting to get a feel for it she swung the blade around awed at how it easily felt like it was connected to her. As she held the blade, she remembered when Spiderman was fighting hordes of vicious creatures. Desiring to help him she heard a sword compelling her to take it. Unable to remember anything else, MJ turned back to the door knocking on it ready for anything.
A figure cloaked in black appeared. "Who wishes to enter the Trials of Mephisto?"
"I do." MJ said fiercely, glaring at the figure.
"Many who enter do not return. They die, lose themselves, or go mad, or are transformed into servants of Mephisto. Fully knowing the risks, do you still wish enter?"
"I'm here for my husband. Open that door."
"Very well. You have been warned" The cloaked figure replied before disappearing. The large doors opened, signifying the trials were beginning.
Stepping through the doors, MJ could feel extreme heat coming from below. Morlun began to follow but was stopped by the cloaked creature. "Only one may enter trials."
Morlun glared at the creature replying, "I only intend to watch. It would be wise not to interfere."
The creature stared at Morlun, seeing the sincerity in his eyes as he let Morlun pass. The doors immediately closed as soon as Morlun walked through. MJ saw a rock bridge with an orange glow on both sides. Looking down the edge of the cliff, she could see a river of lava passing through. MJ became even more nervous as she saw how narrow the bridge actually was. She carefully stepped out on the bridge, walking across the lava river, not want the trial to end before it had even begun. Suddenly a serpent shot out of the lava, glaring at MJ hungrily. The snake struck, forcing MJ to move left. After another strike, MJ was forced to dodge left again, causing her to lose her sword as well as fall, hanging on the edge of the bridge. The actress looked at Morlun who held a grim look. The snake moved to the other side of the bridge and glared up at the woman hanging for her life. The serpent moved in just as MJ managed to lift herself up, rolling forward to get her sword. The snake swirled around the bridge, snapping its prey up in its mouth its head landing on the bridge. The snake remained motionless as a blade appeared out of the cheek of his mouth, creating an opening. MJ came out covered in slime, her blade red with blood.
"What happened?" Morlun asked, walking over.
"I shoved the blade upward as the snake closed its mouth. Killed it easily." MJ replied, wiping the slime off of her, feeling disgusted and proud at the same time.
"I see. I almost thought you were lost when you fell nearly off the side."
"You weren't alone. Come on I have a feeling this trial is far from over."
"Agreed." Morlun answered, following the red haired woman. Above MJ and Morlun stood Mephisto glaring down at the two angrily.

The next morning Morlun and MJ arrived in Dresden commaGermany. The legend of Mephisto started here comma thus here is where the trial would start. Morlun and MJ checked into a fancy hotel so the woman could rest up for her journey. The vampire sat in a maroon chaircomma watching MJ sleepcomma remembering what happened the first time they had met. How Spiderman had over powered him in a desperate attempt to save the love of his life. Never in his life had he been over powered. He was once out smarted but never over powered. Morlun had to know why. There were two possibilities to explain. One it was a fluke or two Spiderman was fueled by love. Perhaps reword it to this, “One was that it was a fluke or two, that Spiderman was feulled by love.” Oh and fuelled has two ll’s, not one! He had to have an answer before he faced his dinner again.

The afternoon came and MJ entered the shower while Morlun waited in the lobbycomma ready to take her to dinner. He wouldn't dare leave MJ to far Reword perhaps to this, “He wouldn’t dare stray far from MJ,” knowing that Mephisto may attack early to keep MJ from entering the trial. The demon removed their love because he feared it would be his destruction. Morlun wondered if his own death gave the demon lord that thought. None the less Morlun wanted answers about how he was so easily defeated and would not allow anyone to stop him.

MJ came down in a sparkling red designer dress. "So do you know any places to eat here?" MJ asked nervously.

Morlun thought back to the german capitilize the G. superhero he used as a snack. "I remembering remember having a bite when I was last here." He answered with a cruel smile.

The two went to a a AH! Double A’s!fancy restaurant. Morlun ordered some wine and their meals before MJ started striking a conversation,I think you should say just conversing or talking because “started striking,” is an odd alliteration to use with “a conversation,” "What did you order us?"

"I would tell but I fear you might not eat it if you knew." Morlun repliedcomma receiving a giggle from MJ.

"You know, one would think this is a date. A fancy restaurant, expensive wine, us dressed in our best."

"I do wish the occasion called for it but I'm afraid this is all a gesture of mercy. I do believe you will succeedcomma however I want you to have an evening of peace before your night of hell." Morlun replied.

After that conversation the dinner became silentcomma leaving MJ to wonder what she had gotten herself into. Was she really ready for the trial? Would she succeed? Her memories drifted back to a night when a car almost hit her when she was in a cab. Her heart pounded with fear as she wondered how her husband went out every night to fight crime and not lose his mind. It was how she felt right now. Coming back to the presentcomma MJ realized she had better learn Peter's secret before the trial. After dinner MJ got dressed in a black sleeveless turtleneck, blue jeans, and brown hiking boots, feeling the outfit would be more battle worthy. MJ met her guide down stairs before proceeding to the cemetery. Morlun lead led instead of lead the way through cemetery at mid-night to a tomb completely sealed. Rephrase like this: “To a completely sealed tomb,” The vampiric creature punched through stone housecomma leading to a lost passageway. He quickly stepped in as MJ remained hesitant about the challenge. She knew she was fighting for something important yet this was also a trial where she could die. MJ was never the heroic one in this life. She tried to break through Mephisto's wall further in an attempt to see if she was ever heroic in her marriage. Her mind flashed to a bridge where the Green Goblin was about to kill her husband. Pulling out a gun hidden in her purse she fired in an attempt to save her husband.

"Mrs. Parkercomma are you coming?" Morlun askedcomma poking his head out.

"Yeahcomma I was just thinking." She replied quickly before entering the passage way. The inside was covered in unusual and horrifying designs that Mary Jane couldn't describe. However the look of them were The look of them WAS rather satanic that increased her nervousness. Mmm. That’s confusing. Perhaps say, “The rook of them was rather satanic, increasing her nervousness with every step.” At the end of the underground hall were two large doors.

"This is your final chance to turn back. Once the trial begins you can't turn back." Don’t repeat, “Can’t turn back,” more than once. Try to come up with a different word... Morlun saidcomma staring at the door.
MJ closed her eyes as her mind floated back when Peter was on the run from the law and she was about to be arrested unless she gave S.H.I.E.L.D her husbandsIt’s possessive so it is husband’s. location. Her only reply to shield Still use the S.H.I.E.L.D. spelling. was 'Arrest me.' Mj I’m noticing a lot of MJ’s in this chapter. Don’t forget to change it up! opened her eyescomma replying with full confidence."I don't want to turn back. I want my husband."

MJ started towards the door until Morlun called. "Wait. I have gift for you." MJ looked at Morlun curiously as he pulled out a swordcomma brightening the room. The metal was silver with violet edges. The hilt was royal purple connecting to six purple sapphires. "I had it specially made for you. I went with purple to be the symbol of love. To mecomma red is just too angry and pink in is alright for a young lovecomma not a love that has endured so much and still survived." MJ took the swordcomma amazed how light it was The sentence is beginning to run on. Finish it and then say she swung the blade around to get a feel of it or for it. swinging the blade to get a feel for it. As she held the bladecomma she remembered when Spiderman was fighting hordes of vicious creatures. Desiring to help him she heard a sword compelling her to take it. Unable to remember anything elsecomma MJ turned back to the door knocking on it ready for anything.

A figure cloaked in black appeared. "Who wishes to enter the Trials of Mephisto?"

"I do." MJ said fiercelycomma glaring at the figure.

"Many who enter do not return. They die, lose themselves and Say “or” instead of “and” go mad, or transform into servants of Mephisto. Fully knowing the riskscomma do you still wish enter?"

"I'm here for my husband. Open that door."

"Very well. You have been warned" The cloaked figure replied before disappearing. The large doors openedcomma signifying the trials were beginning.

Stepping through the doors comma MJ could feel extreme heat coming from below. Morlun began to follow but was stopped by the cloaked creature. "Only one may enter trials."

Morlun glared at the creature replying, "I only intend to watch. It would be wise not to interfere."

The creature stared at Morluncomma seeing the sincerity in his eyes as he let Morlun pass. The doors immediately closed as soon as Morlun walked through. MJ saw a rock bridge with an orange glow on both sides. Looking down the edge of the cliffcomma she could see a river of lava passing through. Looking at how narrow the bridge was which made her nervous. This is an incomplete sentence. Say something like this, “MJ became even more nervous as she saw how narrow the bridge actually was,” MJ carefully stepped out on the bridgecomma walking across the lava rivercomma not want the trial to end before it had even begun. Suddenly a serpent shot out of the lavacomma glaring at MJ hungrily. The snake struckcomma forcing MJ to move left. After another strikecomma MJ was forced to dodge left againcomma causing her to lose her sword as well as fallcomma hanging on the edge of the bridge. The actress looked at Morlun who held a grim look. The snake moved to the other side of the bridge Since I feel like I’m giving you too many commas, say, “and glared up,” glaring at the woman hanging for her life. The serpent moved in just as MJ managed to lift herself upcomma rolling forward to get her sword. The snake swirled around the bridgecomma snapping it's itsprey up in it's itsmouth it head landing on the bridge. The snake remained motionless as a blade appeared out of the cheek of his mouthcomma creating an opening. MJ came out covered in slimecomma her blade red with blood.

"What happened?" Morlun askedcomma walking over.

"I shoved the blade upward toward You have two directions here. Choose one/ as the snake closed it's itsmouth. Killed it easily." MJ repliedcomma wiping the slime off of hercomma felling feelingdisgusted and proud at the same time.

"I see. I almost thought you were lost when you fell nearly off the side."

"You weren't alone. Come on I have a feeling this trial is far from over."

"Agreed." Morlun answeredcomma following the red haired woman. Up above MJ and Morlun stood Mephisto glaring at the two angrily. This is confusing to me. Which one is up above?

Holy crap that took forever. I hope you don’t feel bad that I edited your whole story. The only thing I’m worried about it how many commas I had to add in there. Do you hate commas? A good “and” would fit nicely in your story.

I like the way it unfold but since I am a freak for description there were certain parts that just needed more description. You as the author, need to create imagery and help the reader see what you’re writing, if that makes sense. I love it and cannot wait for chapter 3