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The Sorting Hat



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Fri Jul 22, 2011 9:12 pm
PrincessOfDarkness says...



I was dreading every step. Each one took me further up the stairs, closer to my future. I swallowed, gulping for air. My stomach flipped and danced, the children around me buzzed with enthusiasm, arms linked, giggling and smiling madly. The stairs ended, and we arrived at a large door, towering above us, ornately carved and a deep mahogany brown. The group stopped, and a hush descended like a summer mist. I grabbed the polished banister, my feet plastered to the glowing white marble of the floor, sweat lining my brow like soldiers. A small mustering seized the group, and they burst into excited chatter. I squeezed my eyes shut, my stomach clenched and my head pounded as if my heart was there. The doors slid open, revealing a lady, with a curl of grey hair streaked with white atop her head, and a wrinkled but kind face, like old parchment. She smiled, the result was instantaneous; I immediately felt better.
“We’re ready for you now,”
The new pupils glided in after her, shocked into silence; mouths agape in awe. Flickering candles hung from the domed, high ceiling of the hall, like fireflies at dawn dancing through the mist. Four rows of benches neatly lined the hall, enough space for the new pupils to line up, apprehensively eyeing the Sorting Hat, its form ragged and tearing with burns scarring its black figure, as if it had suffered the tongues of flame. I shuddered.
“Damon Flüte,” A boy with raven black hair and slanted, mischievous eyes stepped up, grinning confidently.
“Ah, a very confident young man... hmm... very cunning, but very brave as well, it will have to be.... Slytherin!” The table the furthest on my right erupted into applause, slapping his back as he sat down. I shuddered.
“Kristin Koll,” A girl with a pale face, spattered with freckles, and curly hair the colour of hay, walked up to the hat, and as soon as the hat touched her head:
“Hufflepuff!” The table closest to my left cheered and clapped, welcoming her with open arms, as she sat down, content.
“Danielle Morganville,” A girl with brown hair jumped up and walked over, parked herself on the stool and smiled as the hat was placed on her head. “Oh, a very wide spread young lady. Clever, brave, smart, but a bit of a temper, haven’t you, eh? Hmm, you better be in... Ravenclaw!” Many students did the same, dispersing to their designated tables.
“Astral Quentin,” I stood up slowly, each step I took towards the stool somehow seemed louder with each one against the stone floor. After what felt like centuries, I reached the stool and sat down. The hat softly touched my head, and began muttering.
“Very clever, aren’t you? But you have a brave heart, well; it seems as if you’d be best in... Gryphindor!” Cheers greeted me as I walked towards the table. I smiled, confidently. I was home.
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Fri Jul 22, 2011 10:21 pm
Iggy says...



Was this for my contest? If so, copy the topic i.d., go to my contest, click 'submit entry', and paste the code in the bar.

First off, excellent imagery! You described the scene beautifully. I loved that you described the Great Hall perfectly. Next, your excellent spelling, grammar, and punctuation was spot-on. Last, it wasn't too long, or too short.

All in all, I liked it. Good job and good luck.

- Ariel.
“I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then."
- Lewis Carroll
  





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Sat Jul 23, 2011 9:47 am
espeon says...



I know i probably shouldn't say anything since i'm part of the contest too - but you would knock me out dead in a "Descriptive Hardcore" match any day you like.

PrincessOfDarkness wrote:The group stopped, and a hush descended like a summer mist. I grabbed the polished banister, my feet plastered to the glowing white marble of the floor, sweat lining my brow like soldiers.


PrincessOfDarkness wrote:with a curl of grey hair streaked with white atop her head, and a wrinkled but kind face, like old parchment.


Must i really say more? :)
Best of luck,
Espeon.
  





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Sun Jul 31, 2011 1:13 pm
goalfish100 says...



Hey there!

Throughout the piece you convey great emotion and you don't loose that throughout the piece so well done. It really helps us get into the characters shoes and we can really understand how the character is feeling. You also provide a wide range of vocabulary which is great for the description.

Just a few nit picks though. Firstly you spelt Gryffindor wrong. Secondly,there was nothing different about the plot. I expected him to be in Gryffidor so there were no suprises there! The way you wrote it is in a different league to the plot you created in terms of the house.

Overall it's very well written!
  





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Mon Aug 01, 2011 3:05 am
Tictac268 says...



Holy sh*t this is amazing!
Impossible is just an opinion.
  








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