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Young Writers Society


Chapter One - When We Grow Up



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Points: 1211
Reviews: 6
Mon Aug 08, 2011 9:14 am
Maisie says...



Sorry, posted this in the wrong section. Transferring it over to the correct one!
Last edited by Maisie on Mon Aug 08, 2011 9:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
  





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279 Reviews


Gender: Male
Points: 40
Reviews: 279
Mon Aug 08, 2011 9:23 am
MasterGrieves says...



I really liked this piece. I love the way you paced that conversation between the two. Is this a romance? It feels very relaxed and breezy. This was made for the summertime, I can tell it is. I found the first paragraph, however, a bit too informative. Remember: show and don't tell. If it is twenty-one degrees, describe it. If there is music playing, I want to hear it. The last paragraph was a little cliched. It could be a bit more original I think. Overall, great stuff! Can't wait for chapter 2.
The Nation of Ulysses Must Prevail!

If you don't like Mikko, you better friggin' die.

The power of Robert Smith compels you!

Adam + Lisa ♥


When you greet a stranger look at his shoes.
Keep your money in your shoes.

I was 567ajt
  





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Gender: None specified
Points: 1211
Reviews: 6
Mon Aug 08, 2011 9:25 am
Maisie says...



Thanks very much for the feedback! :D
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 1040
Reviews: 4
Mon Aug 08, 2011 3:38 pm
Charllotte4 says...



Love it! The atmosphere created is effective and your grammar and spelling is good also :)
  





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60 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 2675
Reviews: 60
Sun Aug 28, 2011 9:08 pm
Narnialover4ever1 says...



Great first chapter! I liked it a lot! Can't wait till chapter 2 :D
When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death
And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again'

'Look there she goes that girl is so peculiar. I wonder if she's feeling well.
With a dreamy far off look.
And her nose stuck in a book' Something my best friend, Drew, said about me
  





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127 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 8947
Reviews: 127
Sun Aug 28, 2011 9:26 pm
Cotton says...



Is it just me who can't see it?

Sorry, posted this in the wrong section. Transferring it over to the correct one!


Does this mean the story exists elsewhere? If so, could you put a link on my profile? This is the second time I've come here today, wanting to read the story, but being unable to find it. I honestly want to read this now, just to find out what it's all about!!

Please feel free to come to me if you want anything reviewed :D

~*cottonrulz*~
Here's a story of a brother by the name of Othello,
He liked white women and he liked - green jello... - Reduced Shakespeare Company
  








I was flummoxed by fractious Franny's decision to abrogate analgesics for the moribund victims of the recent conflagration. Of course, to display histrionics was discretionary, but I did so anyways, implicating a friend in my drama to make the effect cumulative. I think a misanthrope would have a prosaic appellation, perhaps one related to autonomy and the rejection of anthropocentrism. I think they wouldn't think much of the prominence of watching the coagulation of tea to prognosticate future malevolent events, not even if those events were related to jurisprudence.
— Spearmint