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Hesitation



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Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:52 pm
Priceless says...



“Malfoy?”
Draco could not keep his hand steady as he pointed the wand at her. Tears welled up in his gray eyes. She stood as still as a statue, horrified brown eyes fixed on his wand. Then she began to cry, too.
“Why? Why do you hate me so much? Why are you going to kill me? I’ve never done anything to you!” she cried out. The tears were flowing more freely now.
“You wanna know why?” he roared, and shoved the sleeve of his left arm up. She gasped at what she saw. “That’s why!”
She sank to the ground, sobbing into her arms. Draco tasted salt as his tears streamed down his cheeks. But tears were not going to help now.
“Malfoy, please,” she said, looking up. “Please, please don’t do this. I beg you, I’ll do anything, just don’t kill me.”
“I have no choice!” he exclaimed. “You’re on their side. I have to.”
“You’re not a murderer!”
There were yells and explosions, sobs and screams as the war on Hogwarts carried on. Hermione glanced at the window and he knew where her mind was. As he looked her, memories flashed through his mind like a movie. The first time he had seen her, looking lost and confused at Platform 9 and ¾. He had remembered thinking how unattractive she looked, with bushy hair and big front teeth. His mother had turned up her nose. “Mudblood.”
That simple word had determined how he was to treat her for the rest of his life. Because she was worthless scum. She didn’t belong in the wizarding world. He wiped his tears away. Worthless scum she might be, but she was still a human being.
“I loved you, you know.”
His eyes widened. “What?”
She was still looking at the window, looking more calm and resigned now. “I realized it at the Yule Ball. You put up this tough, bully façade but I could tell it was all a cry for help. All you ever wanted was someone who liked you for you, not just for your money or your family. And those were the only people around you. Vain, superficial and fake. That’s why you envied Harry. Because even though he had no family, at least, no family worth mentioning, his friends loved him and supported him so in a way, his friends were his family.”
How had she known?
“Shut up,” he snapped. “Just shut up.”
There were footsteps. Draco’s heartrate sped up. He didn’t think he had ever been so unhappy to see his aunt Bellatrix show up.
“Draco!” she said breathlessly, and then paused when she saw Hermione curled up against the wall.
“Well, well,” she wheezed, slowing down her gait. “Isn’t this perfect?”
She gave Hermione a sharp kick that made her groan and clutch her stomach. Then she walked up to Draco and whispered into his ear. “Do it.”
He bit his lip, feeling dizzy. Beads of sweat trickled down his face. Hermione looked up and their eyes met. She mouthed, “Please.”
“What are you waiting for? Go ahead!” screeched his aunt, dusting off her dress.
They all fell silent as they heard the sound of someone rushing up the stairs. Snape appeared in the room. He stopped and glanced around, his usual stoic self. Draco looked at him and Snape gestured toward the door. Without a second’s hesitation, Draco rushed out and raced down the stairs, and the two Death Eaters followed.
“I loved you, you know.”
We're all a little weird. And life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
  





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Mon Aug 15, 2011 2:52 am
Charade says...



Can
You
Say
IN-TER-TAIN-ING :D
That was effing awesome! I was hooked from the first line. I didn't think I would like one about Harry Potter because fanfiction typically annoys me. Its not what REALLY happened, I used to tell myself. But reading that was fun ^-^

Keep it up
5+

Charade--- <3
RAWR!
  





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Mon Aug 22, 2011 11:59 am
Noelle says...



Hi there!

This is a great story! You put a ton of imagery and emotion into this and kept me reading through the end. The characters were portrayed perfectly, not really faltering from the books.

I would like to comment on the ending though. It seems a little abrupt and confusing. Did Malfoy kill Hermione? Why did everyone leave with Snape? And if Draco didn't kill Hermione, why didn't Bellatrix step in front of him and do it for him? You should probably make that more clear.

Overall, this is a great story. Keep writing!
Noelle is the name, reviewing and writing cliffhangers is the game.

Writer of fantasy, action/adventure, and magic. Huzzah!

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Sun Aug 28, 2011 5:09 pm
gleek456 says...



Hi there!

... This is amazing! I love this! I love Draco's debate on whether or not to kill Hermione, and Hermione confessing to him. It just made him stress out even more! There was this little part that I thought needed a little fixing:

As he looked at her, memories flashed through his mind like a movie.


That's all the nit-pick(s) I found! This story is so easy to imagine! The detail is great, the emotion is clear, the dialogue is right on character, this is an amazing story! I'm putting this on my favorites! Amazing job and keep it up!

- gleek456 <3
YOU'VE GOT THAT ONE THING
  





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Sun Aug 28, 2011 6:05 pm
LittlePrincess says...



That was really great! I always secretly believed that Malfoy and Hermione belonged together. I mean, it's perfect and you executed it so well! I would like a tiny bit more background because at this point I can't tell how much of a relationship they had (if any). Like was he watching her from afar his entire life? Did he ever, until now, consider her as anything more than a mudblood?

There were footsteps. Draco’s heartrate sped up. -%- He didn’t think he had ever been so unhappy to see his aunt Bellatrix show up
Right where I put the little % thing is where I think you could put something more. In that split second of hearing the footsteps, what is he thinking? Does he wish he could run away and not kill her? You know, just a little something more because I felt let down, haha.

They all fell silent as they heard the sound of someone rushing up the stairs. Snape appeared in the room. He stopped and glanced around, his usual stoic self. Draco looked at him and Snape gestured toward the door. Without a second’s hesitation, Draco rushed out and raced down the stairs, and the two Death Eaters followed.
Same with that part, I feel you could expand a little bit more. Does Draco consider doing it as Bellatrix commands? What is he thinking? And also how does he get away so easily? Does Snape say anything? Just things like that.

At any rate, I thought it was great, just a couple parts here and there left me wondering. Nice job and happy reviewing!
"One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."
The Little Prince
  





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Sun Aug 28, 2011 6:20 pm
Starlight9 says...



Hey there, Priceless. I believe that would count as a third review for your works. But I won't complain, I really enjoy reading them : )

His eyes widened, “What?”


Now, I have read another story of your with you mentioning some of Harry Potter's characters. I haven't read the books or watched the movies but I wonder, did you write this from you own imagination or were you describing a particular scene from one of the HP movies? Anyway, I think it is a great story. Great job! :D
★L9
  





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Fri Sep 02, 2011 7:35 pm
cute12yearold98 says...



THIS FUCKING SUCKS!!!! THIS IS THE WORST, GAYEST, MOTHER FUCKER I HAVE EVER READ!!! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU WROTE THIS?!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TAKING?? QUIT TRIPPING ON THE ACID MOTHER FUCKER!!!
  








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