Young Writers Society

Thank you all

I love this poem! It is really good! I went to Catholic school for about 7 years and it was the worst experience of my life. I am Atheist and I will never go back to "believing." Often, I've felt as though I am below White Christians because they seem to dominate. As a Puerto-Rican Atheist with very controversial views, I feel a bit lonely in the world. But it's nice to see the other side of the spectrum. I think you did a great job on this, and should continue writing with your own unique style. I love hearing about how strong people commit themselves to their opinions. Awesome job!

heyyyy This was a really good poem I can relate to it a lot because I use to get judged by my cover and not by who I am and it hurts but that's all right. I love your Poem a lot sorry that I kind of got off topic it's been a long day.

Thank you all for your kind words

shiney1, I'll do a review here. Haven't seen you on the forum in a while, suppose I've been really busy recently.

So a stanza structure of repeated intro lines, 3 lines each for...ten stanzas? Yes ten, and in fact, the structure of the first two lines is repeated. So the resultant effect: rigid, rigid structure requires a powerful message and immeasurable execution of interesting technical aspects of poetry.

This is not such a poem. And while this resembles a poem, I hesitate to call polemics like this a poem. How is this a polemic? You assume of your reader and you assume of yourself: an inherent sense of status and assumptions before either of us come to the table, before I even read your words. There goes a proverb - The usefulness of a cup is in its emptiness- that I think applies to Poetry in manners that proverb only begins to scratch; but that's the point, the cup is empty for experience to fill, not for either to party to claim and fill and drink themselves.

I don't care what title, class, group, sect, race, nationality you belong to: in poetry none of that matters. We don't want to read your specific point of view (UNLESS you can incorporate poetic elements and obfuscate your voice), we want to be placed in a position you present and experience it, not to be lectured or "informed".

Just because I'm a Christian
Doesn't mean I'm better than you,
Or that my life is worth more than yours

Where is the sensory experience here? This is a lecture, a polemic as I said albeit a subtle one, to tell the reader we somehow do not understand "a Christian", and should we not heed the words of the poem we err and persecute a Christian. Let me rewrite this poem for you...

Just because I'm an Atheist/Gay/Man/Woman/Hindu/Muslim/Pat Buchanan/etc.
Doesn't mean I'm better than you,
Or that my life is worth more than yours

Just because I'm an Atheist/Gay/Man/Woman/Hindu/Muslim/Pat Buchanan/etc.
Doesn't mean I can trample you,
Walk all over you as I do to the floor.

Just because I'm an Atheist/Gay/Man/Woman/Hindu/Muslim/Pat Buchanan/etc.
Doesn't mean I should condemn you,
Whenever I don't agree with what you do

Just because I'm an Atheist/Gay/Man/Woman/Hindu/Muslim/Pat Buchanan/etc.
Doesn't mean I have the right
To scoff and spit and throw insults at you.

Just because I'm an Atheist/Gay/Man/Woman/Hindu/Muslim/Pat Buchanan/etc.
Doesn't mean I'm a jerk,
Or cares nothing about how others feel

Just because I'm an Atheist/Gay/Man/Woman/Hindu/Muslim/Pat Buchanan/etc.
Doesn't mean I have to turn the other cheek
When it hasn't had enough time to heal.

Just because I'm an Atheist/Gay/Man/Woman/Hindu/Muslim/Pat Buchanan/etc.
Doesn't mean it's okay to mock my beliefs,
Or to call them and my God/Gods/Ideas/Politics/etc. stupid

Just because I'm an Atheist/Gay/Man/Woman/Hindu/Muslim/Pat Buchanan/etc.
Doesn't mean I'm a punching bag,
Or am here to get bashed over the head.

Just because I'm an Atheist/Gay/Man/Woman/Hindu/Muslim/Pat Buchanan/etc.
Doesn't mean I'm like the others,
Whom you judge at first glance

Just because I'm an Atheist/Gay/Man/Woman/Hindu/Muslim/Pat Buchanan/etc.
Doesn't mean you should forget I'm human,
And also deserve to have a chance.

My changes should reflect what I find to be the nature of your poem: a frustrated polemic. Each line of each stanza adds layers to this idea of "life isn't fair for me, I'm special though, some Christians aren't, but respect me, but also don't assume with me because I know you do..." as you can see there are inconsistencies in your thought process and progression.

So what to do? Either you become three dimensional and go beyond simply Christians, though you have to keep this limited rigid structure, or scrap it.

So you wrote this from the heart. But that's not good enough to write something as one-sided and subtly coy and facetious as this poem. Poetry today asks you to go beyond yourself, or at least mask it. That does not happen here, so good luck with what you do. Hope this helps.

@ Mustard

I wrote it from my heart, and it was enough for the majority, which is what I wanted. I disregarded all the true elements a poem must have, and it turned out how I wanted it to. Not to please, but to be understandable. So I knew it would lack what people like you would have liked in the poem, but that is okay, for that was what I wanted, and I was not really targeting people like you with this poem. I made success in conveying just a clear message to most of the readers. Thank you for your input.

I think I have replied but I want you to know I love this poem it is amazing and true. A lot of people think differently but I don't care what anyone says this is one of the best poems I have read. keep up the good work!!!!!

i'm loving this. Just Because I'm a Christian. I'm a Christian to, for that fact. Wow, you truly express what Christianity is really about. It's not just about turning the other cheek, but about what we Christians still have the ability to do. does that make sense? i dunno, i don't really make sense. But that's probably the ability of a Christian, right?? that doesn't make sense, I know.

KEEP WRITING!!!!!

-Kat

Ok, this was an amazing poem! I really enjoyed it and especially loved the wording you used! It wasn't huge "college words" like most people use to write their poetry, trying to make it sound official. I prefer poems like these that use words that everyone can understand and anyone that's any age would be able to understand this.

Catri wrote:Just because I'm a Christian
Doesn't mean you should forget I'm human,
And also deserve to have a chance.

This was my absolute favorite stanza of the whole poem! It especially had a great influence being in the end and made a very strong conclusion to an absolutely AMAZING poem! Keep writing! BRAVO

Dang, 42 likes. Praise God! Thanks everyone