Young Writers Society

I'm done
The scars finally showing,
The tears finally flowing.

I'm done.
i surrender.
Isn't that what you want to hear?
I'm gone, my soul crushed.

As the tears fall.
My scars are made.
On my heart and down my wrists.

My music's loud.
But i can't drown you out.
Forever in my mind,
Belittling me, hitting me, screaming.

Broken, shattered, empty.
Silenced, chained, afraid.

Take my heart, my memories, my smile.
Lock them away.
Take them from me.

i wish i could run.
But my feet are stuck.
I'm trying to run.
Trying to hide.

Won't someone save me?
Take the life
I hold.

Take the pain.
Wrap it up.
Merry christmas, mom.

Return receipt.
Take my life.
Take my smile.
Take my heart.
Take my memories.
Lock them up, away from me.

Just take it all.

WOW this is good I like no let me say that again I loved it so much it needs to be in the world for everyone to read

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

Hi I'm Rain. I'm not really hear to tell you how to improve this, because this kind of poem needs no improvements. I am here though, to tell you that you are not alone in how you feel, and what you are going through. I don't know what it is you have to deal with but from your poem I guess it is your mother, sounds alot like my step-mom... I went through what you wrote about, the tears, the scars, feeling like it would just be better to die. Life is hard and it can suck horrablly, but, believe me when I say it does get better, you may not see it now, I didn't when I was going through something similar, but just hold strong and keep writing. Try to stop what makes the scars, because even the oldest scars dont fade when their deep, both physical and mental scars... If you ever need to talk, or need a review on a poem, PM me

All I have to say is to go through this and capatilize all the "i"s that are lower case

~Rain

Hey Amber! Dogs here with your review today! Oh and just building off of what rain said, you really need to capitalize all of your "I" or none of them. I actually think it might add if you don't capitalize your "I" because it would show how your so crushed and belittled you don't even deserve a title of your name and a capitalize i or whatever grammar point applies to that.... ew grammar lol.

So furthermore, this is a great poem but you use some of the same words over and over again. Such as pain and scars tears. You should try using another word. I suggest you look up one of these words in a thesaurus and then choose something more interesting from that list, just to throw in a little more pizzaz. Well thats all I really have to say. Keep up the good work!!!

TuckEr EllsworTh