Young Writers Society

Mommy?
Mommy do you hear them?
They are back again!
Please mommy!
Make them go away!

Mommy!
Mommy help me!
I'm bleeding again
and it hurts so much!
It won't stop mommy!
The blood keeps coming!
I'm scared mommy!

They are still here,
they won't let me sleep.
They keep telling me to do bad things,
to make the blood flow again.
They say that they will stop,
and get farther away,
with every deep cut.
Mommy, should I trust them?

Mommy? Do you hear them?
They are talking so loudly!
They want me to do it already.
I have to mommy,
they promised that they would leave!
I found a way out,
and back into your arms mommy!

Just one more cut,
and I'll be back,
this is it.
No more voices,
just you and I, mommy.
I love you mommy.

I think that was some poetry!
It was strong and loud, and had the capacity to capture the reader. And even though I found it a bit choppy, the meaning was very clear.

I have to, mommy.
They promised that they would leave!
I found a way out,
and back into your arms, mommy!

Maybe you should work out the punctuation here.
I liked the last stanza. It was kind of touching and soothing. As if a storm has just ended and everything's calm again.
In all, I think it was awesome.Keep writing, BrokenSkye!

For the context the spoiler gives us, I did not really see much in the way of an insane person. Perhaps a little lost in the actual person, but the voices could have been anyone to be honest. I know you hint at insanity in the poem, but that cultivated rather poorly. For someone to be truly mad you must cultivate the character more, and understand how and why people act the way they do when they hear voices.

Insanity is a very complex thing, and I am by no means an expert, but this poem, in its context, and form is delivered in a very mediocre way. I apologize if that offends you, or you do not agree, but that is what I see in this poem.

It is a great topic to explore, and I encourage you to pursue it further, but this poem needs more depth, and expansion.

I liked it, at first I was confused on the meaning of the poem and what it was written for, but once at the end most of it was clear. And the spoiler helped with any other information I needed. But.. Since everyone else already corrected mistakes (even though I didn't really see any) I won't do that. It was a good poem and over all I liked it. I like the way it was written and over all found the poem a nice little read.

This is kind of creepy after reading the spoiler, the fact that it makes sense to the child to harm itself, but to others it's a crazy action. I love it how it's the child speaking, nice work.

You're poem is really deep and meaningful. I love the fact that it originates from a true story (I presume that the spoiler is true...). You are a great poet with captivating stories and an inspiration. Well done!

I love the poem, it was full of suspense and made me want to read on GREAT job.