Young Writers Society

Calm and smooth the water be
until a wave disturbs the sea.
Not grand at first but given time,
the wave develops its own mind.
Makes a splash or makes a wake,
there is no telling when it’ll break.
The larger waves race by and by.
The greedy force comes from the sky.
More commonly, it’s called the moon,
over which the stars must swoon.
Reflections of its wondering light
appear in tranquil waters by night.
Swift with speed and gaining more,
the rolling ripple glides to shore.

Thanks...Im editing it now!

i like it. it's very descriptive. i used to live on the beach and it made me want to go boogie boading again lol. so onto business -stern face- your rhymes need a little work. i know that most of those were common sound rhymes like mind and time and they were ok but they seem a little forced. I can't say what i'd do i don't have the inspiration you did writing this. I would like to know what your inspiration was if you wanna pm me or whatever but other than the rhymes it was a little off flow. i think a little rewording or idk something like that could help. i'm not that good at critiquing so you know if you don't wanna take any of these it's cool. lol this is a really cool piece keep it up.

Hey Gg! Dogs here with your review today! Good poem here, it is short and simple and about such a simple thing but you use great imagery and description to get your point across to show us what you are seeing. You have accomplished very well making the reader see what you or your character is seeing while watching this wave or creating this wave. So props to you on that! Although I do have a few quick nit picks:

Firstly, the rhyming is great and I love it but only if you can pull it off. In a lot of your lines they rhyme you use sounds very forced and when a line sounds forced rhyming wise it completely throws off the rhythm for your poem which is a huge problem if you are using rhyming because it makes the poem revolve around rhythm. For example when you say:

"Calm and smooth the water be,"

You sound like yoda lol. I know it is difficult to revise a poem with all this great poetry but I highly suggest that you revise this line and the next to make the rhyming click. Building off of that you put a capital at the beggining of each line. Personally I'm not a huge fan of it because it looks odd and it throws off the rhythm of your writing. But up to you whether or not to do it. Anywho! Now in the 3rd line when you say:

"Not grand at first but given time,"

The grand part is again throwing off the rhythm. I also notice that in your poem you have a lot of overused and boring words that I read time after time. Mix it up a bit! Increase your vocab which will in the end put greater depth and feeling in your poems. It makes them a whole lot better trust me! I suggest you look up some of these old words such as "grand" in a thesaurus and choose a better word from the list. Now when you say:

"Makes a splash or makes a wake,"

Don't make "makes" plural. Again throwing off the rhythm. Say "Make a splash or make a wake"

"More commonly, it's called the moon"

ummmm, this line is bugging me lol. It kinda breaks outta poetic form and sounds more like a statement which is really bugging me. Don't really know how to change this though....

"Over which the stars must swoon"

What... stars that faint over the moon...? This is another example of forced rhyming and it is messin with your rhythm.

The last two lines are very good I like them. They sound good and it has great imagery. Now apply your amazing writing in the last two lines TO YOUR ENTIRE POEM AND THEN YOU'LL BE GOOD! lols Anyways good poem but it has potential to be a great poem! Keep up the good work!!!


TuckEr EllsworTh

Although it appears to be a quick poem you conjured up in a few minutes, the flow is still incredible. I can't really picture the waves as they are in my mind, but it gives you enough depth to create your own images rather than overly descriptive to the point where everyone has the same image of a wave in their minds. It makes me miss the beach, but at the same time I'm from Jersey, so the beaches here aren't particularly crystal clear oceans. Not to mention the snobby people.
Anywho, I thought this was nicely written and gave some adecate imagery
Keep writing!