Young Writers Society

I think this is the most repetitive poem I have ever written(x I'm not too sure that I like it.. haha tell me what you guys think!

At night I lay awake,
Just waiting for sleep to take.
At night I lay awake,
Seeing where dreams break.
At night I lay awake,
Listening to my heart beat,
Complete with a stake.
Wondering,
Dreaming,
Listening,
Are they really all the same?
That's what I wonder, dream and listen to,
At night as I lay awake.

This was somewhat cool.

This is a very, very simple poem, and that's good! I can see this being published in some good book of poems for children. You have a nice repetition with subtle changes that are just right for older(?) kids getting into 'serious' poetry. The second part (starting with the one-word lines) is a nice change of pace, quickening things and keeping the reader's attention via rapid buildup to a conclusion.

Now, I do think the "Complete with a stake" line was really random. Nothing was there beforehand to warn me of its potential existence, and it doesn't really mesh in tone. To me, "stake" here suggests way darker things than this poem should be comfortable with; it *would* work well, however, if this was part of a series and the "stake" was hinting at things to come in further poems.

Also, quick minor note, the flow (and grammar) would be improved by removing the comma from the second-to-last line. And I would mention avoiding prepositions to end lines, but the yawning tone/pace make the "to" ending the line passable.

Overall, enjoyed this, might be better with some work but already good; keep writing! =]

I always enjoy simple poems. There is nothing wrong with them. They help the writer clear their minds, and for readers like myself there are enjoyable. This one is fine the way it is! Good work, and keep writing!