Young Writers Society

Pretty a-typical for me, but I liked it. I've been on kind of an Eden kick lately.

*~*

Betwixt the perfect rows of ripe fruit trees
God's first Children in perfect order live:
Man lives to serve and woman to please
God and to Him praises give.

Trapped within Eden's lot of paradise
The Tree of Knowledge grew,
And with its fruits did Eve entice
'Till she its glories knew.

And when as light through trees
Doth reach kind earth below
Warming the soil and bidding the unborn iris
"Grow!"
Her thoughts bloomed in beautiful blasphemy
'Till she cried out with incensed audacity
"To yet give praise to a Vain and Jealous god! Me?
No!

Instead I flee the Perfect Order, Perfect Thought, Perfect Good!
Free to think, Free to feel and Free to be now as I would!
Although my body now be clothed,
My soul eternally undressed--
Unchained, unbarred
Forever unrepressed--
I flee this Perfect Garden
For the Glory of the Wood!"

And when as light through trees
Doth reach kind earth below
Warming the soil and bidding the unborn iris
"Grow!"
Her thoughts bloomed in beautiful blasphemy
'Till she cried out with incensed audacity
"To yet give praise to a Vain and Jealous god! Me?
No!

These verses go a little out of the pattern you set up, and it jarred me a little bit. I liked the rest of it though.

hmmm.. Religiousness :p I like it though, cool how you can use the word doth and not make it sound cheesy. It flows well too.

Snoink--the change in meter is intentional, to mirror the 'jarring' change that's taking place within Eve

Jenna--thanks for the compliment. You'll will soon learn that I'm hardly a Christian, and this piece is really very out-of-vouge for me, but all the same, the topic of Eve and the Fall from Grace has always facinated me.