Young Writers Society

Okay, I'm really (REALLY) bad at poetry, but I just thought of this in my head (changed it a bit) and put it on the computer. It is the way I am feeling right now. And if you read my blog (I'm not actually telling you to) you would know why. Well have a faint idea why. xD

I want to stare into your eyes,
I want to be engulfed in happiness,
I want my love to spread to your lips,
Let me plant mine on yours,

Love shall be suicide without you there to protect me,
To save me,
What should this feeling be inside my skin and bones,
Heart and soul?
Is it the tingling sensation taking me to a galaxy,
Full of thoughts of what is to come?

The moment I look at you,
My heart pokes my insides,
Making my stomach turn,
Telling me to take that chance.

They tell me you’re not much of a looker,
I know deep inside this empty shell inside me,
That my soul mate has been found,
But the people I love,
Don’t see that within,

I am in pain,
As I watch you flirt,
With the person that should have been me,
My insides fall into darkness,
Knowing that my spirit will never be united with yours.

I could love you for eternity,
But what is the point?
If you will never love me back?

-----

Yeah, I know. Please don't rip this apart. Just.... Praise and help.

I can totally relate to this...
So totally relate to this.

It wasn't THAT bad.
Keyword; THAT

I'll write more later I'm afraid the PC will freeze, so Tomorow I'll look for this.

The last stanza is great, just take out the question mark on the second line.

The rest is a little direct, and sort of boring. Heard-it-all-before kind of thing. I know your emotions are true, but this poem doesn't stand out.

The line breaks are pretty poor, too. They're too random.

I agree with Firestarter. But I did really like the line "Love shall be suicide without you there to protect me."

I know exactly how you feel, because I can say truthfully "Been there, done that." I know that kind of pain all too well, but in the end it all worked out for the best. I hope it does for the speaker of the poem too.