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Young Writers Society


Running



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Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 19
Sun Sep 25, 2005 8:05 pm
amoerizzle says...



Running

I'm running from the pain,
The pain that's deep inside.
Sitting in the rain,
Tears running from my eyes.

Your words hurt me more,
Than your burdensome trust.
I needed you for strength,
I needed you so much.

But instead you keep me running,
From the pain you caused that day.
You took my innocence with you,
And left me running away.
"Speak softly and carry a big stick!" Theodore Roosevelt
  





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75 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 75
Sun Sep 25, 2005 8:39 pm
forest_ofthe_nightingale says...



OK, i like the this poem and the idea behind it, but I'm wondering, did you mean to have "pain" and "rain" rhyme in the first stanza? It takes away from the effect, so i reccomend changing one or the other. Otherwise, good work.
Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake... unless it's to remind him that he won't fail... he just won't kill you.
  








You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.
— J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan