Young Writers Society

Light

O light! You were meant to kindle-
The path of light with your flame,
But you burn me from top to toe
With desires over which, I should have no claim.
Too early in life, your strong power
Showed me the length of the difficult road,
So did it show the lanes and
Passers-by estranging out of hold.


O light! You didn’t lend me vision
You simply dazzled me with zest for life and passion.
You never did what I lit you for
But still today I am again in your dire need,
You are meant to warm and comfort…
But in thy beholder you sow,
Impatient ambition’s seed!

I really like the descriptive language and the words choices are really good.

The second verse was too wordy, and it didn't ryme. Apart from that, it was pretty good.

It was not wordy, but fantastically expressed. I loved the imagery of the lines:

"You never did what I lit you for
But still today I am again in your dire need,
You are meant to warm and comfort…
But in thy beholder you sow,
Impatient ambition’s seed!"

Impatient ambition's seed.... My favourite lines... always, always.

thanks for your appreciations and criticisms!

i think its awesome to hear so many differrent comments from all of you! people have differrent takes on the same thing and that you all have thought about my poem makes me glad. i will take care not to make my stanzas'wordy' if they were so.
thank you!

-torsa