DISCLAIMER: I am not at all a poet. And I am completely unfamiliar with the form and all as well. Infact, English poetry is something that I have always found very difficult to understand. So don't take to your heart whatever comes next. ( )
This is indeed short but as lyric poetry is all about emotional expression, I think, the length hasn't affected the quality. The poem is full of emotions -- emotions of frustration over silence. Numbness, that triggers a rumble in the eager heart. And has tuned its rhythmic beats to a more upbeat music. Which defies regularity. And irates it enough to ask for death instead. As the noise in the silence is no more bearable to it. OR The eager heart feels overburdened with its excitement and over the silence of the other and states the degree of its restlessness is so much so that it has even obliged death.
I liked the words used like 'tormenting' and 'devours' and phrases like 'cacophony of silence' and 'reckless serenade'. They gripped the emotions and let them flow smoothly, that these words convey.
What is this poem about? Hopefully, this review is helpful. Goodluck!
I think my major problem with this poem comes with the line "tormenting cacophony of your silence". Yes, it's a delicious contradiction. Like chocolate, though: too much can make you sick, too little can make you want more. I'd have to say that this is a bit too much; the line itself is skilfully crafted, but it conveys too much emotion in measured doses. Poetry like this - the poetry people would most expect to be raw from the soul - doesn't... really... Well, I can't see the measured dose of emotion fitting in. Everything else is as torn as the reader might expect, but for those who know what cacophony means, that line may be a bit too much of a contradiction.
What I DON'T think is that you need to lengthen this. It's beautifully short, and shortly beautiful, and five lines seems like just the right amount for this. (That might actually add to the measured feeling, since five is a typically "measured" number, but five lines is perfect.) What you've written is a bit of expression that - if not beautiful - leaves at the least a lasting feeling in the reader's heart.
Okay, now that I've had my little happy-kinda-rant, I'd like to say that this poem isn't very smooth. Yes, it adds to the overall emotion, but I'm not sure why I feel about it, which is why it's not in my negative-ramble up there. The reader might have trouble remembering the order of the lines or the words if they're trying to remember "how that awesome poem went" so they can look it up. This is just an observation of how my own behaviour might go in the way of it, though, since I don't have a testing group here to ask or anything - I just think that it could be a little bit smoother, a little bit... odder? Or more normal? Does it matter? It's probably my view of the second line that's leaving me with this observation, though.
And yes, I like the poem. I Like It Like That, and I'm so happy I decided to click on this. ^^
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