Young Writers Society

Tender bullets with their poison-tainted lips,
Kiss the skins of soldiers, their flesh and bones they rip.

Corpses with kissed hearts lay on the floor,
Blazing guns roar around them, but it falls on deaf ears.
Onlookers anguish the tyranny of war,
Sadness is the mother of the child of tears.

The saddened eyes of soldiers,
Weep tears for all their friends.
The weight that's on their shoulders,
Will take them to their ends.

The rifles spit at all their foes,
And make them scream and bleed.
Heed this message; all our woes,
They come from human greed.

this poem was awesome and really deep. I really liked the beginning. good use of words keep up the good work

Wow. Your descriptions are epic. Dark toned, slightly gory, and depressing yes, but epic.
I can't think of any critism, the emotion and power behind this is breath-taking.
Right from the beginning I was pulled in.

Tender bullets with their poison-tainted lips,
Kiss the skins of soldiers, their flesh and bones they rip.

This sets the mood and standard for the rest of the poem, it was Brilliant.

This is my absolute favorite line:

Sadness is the mother of the child of tears.

Poems with powerful messages are important, keep writing them!

I really liked this poem. The metephors were really good, and I loved how the rhyme wasn't forced; it made it easier to read and get in to. I loved it. Keep writing!

Good evening =P
You say you're rubbish at writing? You, my friend, need to get your facts staright. This is one of the best poems I've seen, and I'm not just saying that because I'm your friend.
Anyway, now for the review.

Tender bullets with their poison-tainted lips,
Kiss the skins of soldiers, their flesh and bones they rip.

I like this - the metaphor here really puts across how deadly the bullets are.

Corpses with kissed hearts lay on the floor,
Blazing guns roar around them, but it falls on deaf ears.
Onlookers anguish the tyranny of war,
Sadness is the mother of the child of tears.

Nice use of metaphors again. Some people who write poems about sad subjects like war and either don't hit the mark at all or hit it too much, if you see what I mean. I think in this poem you've got it just right.

Gah, I can't actually find anything else to comment on - you've used the devices above pretty much perfectly. Nicely done. You'd better get some of those pointless VIVOs for this

I remember this poem!
Ahem.
I really like it- it's really smooth and easy to read; actually quite beautiful how the structure is lay out.
The rhyme scheme is great and the metaphors and description is handled with ease.
Write more? With description like this, you should be writing prose as well!

This-is-awesome! You have a way with poetry. A very lyrical flow that seems to slip beneath your pen and onto the paper without effort or fear. This is so very good. The way you words colide with one another are astonising and paint a picture of the fable you tell! This is amazing! And if I say so myself, the name of it is very capyuring and aluering! You rock!

And if there were any problems to speak of, it would be that some of the things don't quite make sence. And I know that it's poetry and that in poetry sometimes words have seperate meanings, and create a story that may have nothing to do with war for example, but you could probably explain them a bit more. This is the best poem I've ever read though, and should be somewhere up there next to william shakespear! You rock! Keep it up!

Very strong and solid, but not overly rigid. The metric scheme was uneven…but I liked it! It fit in well with the artistic form of the poem. I especially like how you described the "kiss" of the bullet. The imagery is very poignant and sticks in the reader's mind. Congrats on a job well done!

Thanks everyone for the positive comments; I really appreciate it.
This was actually part of an English project I got back in spring.
I'm thinking of writing a short(ish) story, but I can't think of any ideas that feel worth writing about.
Once again, thank you for the support.

This is an excellent poem. Your use of metaphors and personfication describe the atrocities of war perfectly. As far as I can see, there is no criticism. It is just a perfect poem. And, if you're thinking of writing a story, good luck! Can't wait to see how that turns out.

"Heed this message; all our woes,
They come from human greed"

I liked these lines the most. A good poem overall.

wow that is really good! you are an awesoem poet! i think it is awesome and there are absoloutly no flaws it is amazing!
keep up the awesome work

Whoa.
This is amazing.
I am not about to spout a long word to tell you that so good day and Keep writing
Also? What credit did you get from English? I swear he never marked them?