Young Writers Society

In the wake of the sun
And the tier of the moon
Where our hearts lie in winter
And minds thrive in June
When the touch of the other
Comes all but too soon

We let our eyes burn in
The soft lunar glow
While the birds all around us
Do cackle and crow
And the bright sparking fire
Begins to draw low

And the leaves color slowly
To shed from the trees
In the dark of the night
We do fall to our knees
And then as the fire dies
Our hands begin to freeze

And it's hard to discern
Between laughter and screams
Like the songs of our fears
And the hymns of our dreams
Where nothing is right
And nothing as it seems

Should we perish in fire
Or rise to the air
What will be determined?
What truly is fair?
When we fall to our knees
Is it in horror or prayer?
Has the light of our God truly ever been there?

I love the title. It makes me imagine the painful sting of each and every thought i experience. Great choice. Love the poem and opening stanzas as well as the rest of the entire poem.. ........ just keep writing, just keep writing..

I absolutely adore the last stanza, and the use of GOD in the lines. It was unique and simple and using God has been lost in the modern writings of today. So good job and keep writing.

Should we perish in fire
Or rise to the air
What will be determined?
What truly is fair?
When we fall to our knees
Is it in horror or prayer?
Has the light of our God truly ever been there?

There is form, there is a structure, quite maintained. There is essence. Metaphors
Keep writing. It will get better and better and better

Don't let anyone define your boundaries!

Love

Well, I can't comment on structure as I don't hold any expertise when it comes to poetry in any language. But what I can tell you is, how I felt while reading it. The 'anguish' of confusion. Thoughts racing yet getting nowhere. Uncertainty of intentions hence challenging the pureness of actions. One moment, you feel warm the other, stone-cold. The thoughts burning sometimes soothing sometimes charring. Amazing. I love it. I LOVE IT ALL.

While, I did accept my incompetency regarding commenting on the structure and form of any poem. The harmony in this poem's flow has been perfect. I could tell that as a reader.

And I wanted to LIKE your poem not my comment, that really happened accidentally.

Hi alannakay.

I just got to say it. You are an amazing poet. It's like you took a punch of words and made mend them to make them sound perfectly beautiful. Wonderful job! Every stanza, I love it. Especially the last one because every line was a question. Though, you forgot some question marks... but that of course, can be fixed easily.

You keep writing, okay?

~Solly<3

Wow, thanks guys! Your comments mean and help a lot and GeeLyria I hadn't realized I'd forgotten that question mark so thank you!