Young Writers Society

Deep in the forest,
there is a tree house.
And in this tree house are fairies.
And in this tree house are elves.
And this is our favorite place,
to go.
And this is our home,
our home sweet home.

Deep in the forest,
there is a tree house.
And this tree house is warm,
and this tree house is welcoming.
And I will be waiting there for you.
And you will be waiting there for me.
Whenever we part,
we'll always find each other there.

I will always smile for you,
and I'll always be there for you,
and I'll always give you warmth,
and I'll always love you.

Hey There -
Oh man, where to begin... I loved this. Love love loved it. Such creativity. This is why we read, am I right or left? (If that confused you, read The BFG by Roal Dahl.
So firstly, I want to point out your incredible use of rhythm. Its perfect. I'm not sure it could be better. There is a lot of smaller sords, but they flow into a continuous current, that is predictable. Like a song, with no melody. You know where its taking you. Excellent.

The use of repitition was nice.

And this is our favorite place,
to go.
And this is our home,
our home sweet home

Very nice.

THe constant imagery was great. You don't even need to try to visualize while reading. Its already there for you. Perfect.

The only recomedation I have is to revise that last paragraph. It confused me just a tad. Why do you 'support' that person? (And the use of the word support is not advised, not for this. I thought it lacked that flow, that current, that the rest of your poem thrived in.) Maybe take out some of the always? Repitition is a powerful tool, but when overused, can be too much, too overwhelming, and boring.

Keep it up,larnise! Loved it!
-Best Regards -
IamHathor22

There's something about this that's so bouncy and warm and soft at the same time! I love it. It sort of reminds me of Bridge to Terebithia.

I'm not really a poet, so I can't offer any advice or critiques other than I really liked this! Keep writing!

Hey, thanks IamHathor22. I'll change it now.