Young Writers Society

Well, I-AHEM!- know very well why you wrote that. Anyway, that was a nice-cute-expressive poem and i liked it. By reading the poem one can very easily get the picture. I could see that there was a hint of sadness in the poem but overall it was simple and nice.Keepwriting!!

Alrightyyyy so I did realllyyyy like this poem, and I LOVED the story behind it, but I have to admit it tripped me up trying to read it. It felt kinda.....skippy? And as though it wasn't thought out as much as it could have been. My suggestions would be something along the lines of this:

That sweet magic that happened
Between you and me, when least expected,
Had captivated me such that
I still can’t believe that you went away.

Not every feeling has a name,
Not every desire can be tamed.
How it all started and where it all went,
We were lost in the wind, with no direction.

These first two lines are good, I really like them and they flow, the only thing I could say about them is the rhyming could be a little more.....regular, but that's just a perk, and not a necessity.

We knew no rules to follow, no one to fear.
What we had was ours, so very dear- Now it's starting to get confusing. These two lines rhyme greatly, but it makes the other lines, the ones that don't rhyme, sound awkward and forced.
Those unforgettable moments that we had,
That unimaginable pleasure that we sharedShared just sounds off here, I'm not sure why. Don't forget punctuation .

Waking up only to spend the day with you,
Dressing up only to be adored by you,You've used "you" twice consecutively, and it really sounds forced and awkward. Is there something else you could put here? Something like "Dressing up only for your adoration" or something like that?
We created a tiny world of our own-
You, me and the feeling we’d never known.This is adorable . I love it.

We had smiles and stares, and laughs,
We had fights and secrets, and a dance.This last bit sounds forced an awkward, but I'm not entirely sure how to fix it. Also, why just one dance? Why is this put last? Is it more important? Did something happen? Expand, expand, expand.
I’ll treasure the moment when you touched my waist,
I’ll remember the feeling when you looked at my face.

Yes, you’re gone and I miss you over here,
But, I have to move on, and the pain to bear.I understand that you're trying to rhyme "bear" with "here" in this line, but it sounds so awkward you'd be better off not having them rhyme. I like the over all idea, but the grammar just isn't there on this last line. I suggest you scrap this last couplet and try again with the same idea.