Young Writers Society

The sky -blue sky is so high,
and I would always wonder why is the sky -blue sky!
higher than those pine trees,
greater than you and me.

The sky -blue sky is so wide,
and I would always wonder why the sky is so sky -blue.
so high, where we can see
all the birds fly in that sky.

I still wonder why is the sky a sky -blue colour
did you predict? or did i?
i never knew it why? wait!
did the Earth really knew it? No chance!

As, i end the day
seeing the blue -sky turning into an orange sunset
saying good-bye and thank you's
and wishing to see it soon.

This is a great poem.

There were only 2 flaws that I could find...

1. Where are the emotions?? Most poems have loads of emotion in them .... but if this is a non emotion poem then please disregard this remark.

2. It needs more detail!!!! .... Dont get me wrong this is an amazing poem ... but it's missing a little something!


I think that your use of grammer was brilliant..... I think that your use of rhetorical questions one after another was brilliant and made the reader stop and think for a second.

Thanks hope this helps!
Lorna
Xx

Hey, dogs here. So i totally agree with Lornydoo that this poem needs more emotion or story line to be in this section. If you want to keep it the way it is you can just move it to dramatic poetry which i think this may fit better in. This is a great poem and i really enjoy it. Keep up the good work!








TuckEr EllsworTh

Hi Sindhu. Solly here to review.

Your poem made me happy. It's something so simple, but true. Something that takes me back to childhood. The way a kid sees the world, beautiful as it is, not taking it for granted. Love it! I wouldn't change any word, because it looks like your heart wrote it and that's simply wonderful<333

Nitpicks:

sindhu98 wrote:The sky -blue sky is so high,
and I would always wonder why is the sky -blue sky!
Higher than those pine trees,
greater than you and me.

Remember that every sentence starts with uppercase.

sindhu98 wrote:The sky -blue sky is so wide,
and I would always wonder why the sky is so sky -blue.
So high, where we can see
all the birds fly in that sky.

Same here.

sindhu98 wrote:I still wonder why is the sky a sky -blue colour color.
Did you predict? Or, did I?
I never knew it. Why? Wait!
Did the Earth really knew it? No chance!

Typo! In the word "color". Correct the uppercases. And also, the third line, you could say it like: "I never knew why." That would work pretty well too.

sindhu98 wrote:As, I end the day,
seeing the blue -sky turning into an orange sunset,
saying good-bye and thank you's,
and wishing to see it soon.

Beautiful ending, by the way. <3

Keep Writing.

~Solly<3

Sindhu!

Man, I told you in class about the "I's" remember? :O
And I also re-wrote it for you.

Anyway, good try.
Keep Writing. xD

--
Lakshmi.