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Young Writers Society


An Ethereal Being



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206 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 1171
Reviews: 206
Fri Nov 04, 2011 9:01 pm
LadyPurple says...



Tear it to little bits and shreads. Bite my head off if you need to 'cause I want to improve :P *edit: not sure...I tried moving some words around and just can't change it and keep it good.
An ethereal being
Haunting me in a dream.
Your presence used to cease my breath
My days with you were a silent death.
In your arms I was entombed
With a kiss you sealed my doom.
I went to you for protection
But only found my own destruction.
Your love was killing me slowly
Who would have guessed from a face so lovely?
Last edited by LadyPurple on Mon Nov 14, 2011 3:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
You're new? Great seas! Why haven't you gone to the Buddy System yet?



You're dealing with writers. The words "normal" and "usual occurrence" do not compute.
~Rosey Unicorn
  





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6 Reviews


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Points: 792
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Fri Nov 04, 2011 11:16 pm
LoneWolf161 says...



this is good I enjoyed it well I enjoy any poet that people write
  





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14 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 1182
Reviews: 14
Fri Nov 04, 2011 11:21 pm
Audrey718 says...



Very nice. I like it and have no bad comments about it!
Great Job, and i hope to read some more wonderful poems by you!
Audrey718
Audrey
Noble Strength
  





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21 Reviews


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Points: 1229
Reviews: 21
Sun Nov 06, 2011 7:49 pm
TaylorTheGreat says...



Yo you! that's a nice poem! Well not "nice" it's a rather darkish/love/awesome (if possible) emotion.
  





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206 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 1171
Reviews: 206
Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:05 pm
LadyPurple says...



:) thanks, you people!
You're new? Great seas! Why haven't you gone to the Buddy System yet?



You're dealing with writers. The words "normal" and "usual occurrence" do not compute.
~Rosey Unicorn
  





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33 Reviews


Gender: None specified
Points: 1262
Reviews: 33
Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:12 pm
Gg127 says...



I thought it was really great! However, some of the rhyming was little off. I might suggest rearranging the order or wording so that the rhythm flows better. The concept was very realistic and well thought out. Great analogies. Keep up the good work!
  








The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices; to be found only in the minds of men. For the record, prejudices can kill, and suspicions can destroy. A thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all of its own.
— Rod Serling, Twilight Zone