Young Writers Society

stood by the fireplace
the letters
the messages
the pictures
the hope
all of the love
grasped in my hands,
waiting to be burnt.

i falter
that dead end
refusing to let go
refusing to give up
the chance
of us.

your dark eyes
stare at me
from the reaches
of a battered photo.
the smell
of a pressed flower.
i'll never forget
that touch

giving up
i throw them back
in the drawer
maybe tomorrow
i'll be able to do it
all i know
is the fire won't
burn my memories.

--------

make it less terrible, please.

oh my god *breaks down* its absolutley wonderful truely it is I love it. The words you use are perfect the set the scene in my mind to perfection. Its so strange you describe exactly how I feel the person I see in the photographs. I don't know what to change to be honest I mean of course there's always something to change but I don't see what sorry.
love wu!

Nice poem. I liked it, of course I would. I dont think there is any crit apart from.

When writing a poem, each line must start with a Capital letter. Thats all.

Thanks guys.

When writing a poem, each line must start with a Capital letter. Thats all.

Where's that from?

The Rulebook for all Poetry? I must have missed that one......

while i liked it the burning of memories as i'm sure you know is a touch overdone. i think it's expressed well and i like the twist at the end. I don't really have any suggestions of improvments because my only probelm is the topic really.

mkay.. let me see

stood by the fireplace
the letters
the messages
the pictures
the hope
all of the love
grasped in my hands,
waiting to be burnt.

I like this.. but just starting on stood... I can see why you did that, but it would clearer if you said "I", even though you start the next stanza with I.

i falter
that dead end
refusing to let go
refusing to give up
the chance
of us.

the first line seems akward with the rest of the stanza. Love the rest.

your dark eyes
stare at me
from the reaches
of a battered photo.
the smell
of a pressed flower.
i'll never forget
that touch

oh, nice. Just the last line doesn't make as much sense as it could in context, but i think it works.

giving up
i throw them back
in the drawer
maybe tomorrow
i'll be able to do it
all i know
is the fire won't
burn my memories.

"in the drawer" is akward, espically after "I throw them back", i would juggest rephrasing, or just moving the back to the next line. Good ending, "the fire won't/burn my memories".

"stood by the fireplace
the letters
the messages
the pictures
the hope
all of the love
grasped in my hands,
waiting to be burnt. "

Ew. Just ew. You can surely do better than this.

"i falter
that dead end
refusing to let go
refusing to give up
the chance
of us. "

Not as bad as before, but still cheesy and overtly romantic.

"your dark eyes
stare at me
from the reaches
of a battered photo.
the smell
of a pressed flower.
i'll never forget
that touch"

Excellent. Images of things associated with romance make the poem much more seductive than outright proclamations of love.

"giving up
i throw them back
in the drawer
maybe tomorrow
i'll be able to do it
all i know
is the fire won't
burn my memories. "

Good, not as bad as the first two, but definitely predictable. While it would alter the overall meaning of the poem, I think "burn in my memories" is better. You can see what you think. If I were grading this piece, I'd give it a B, not average but not great, either.

I agree that the first stanza could do with an 'I' to start it off and I do personally prefer it when each line begins with a capital letter, but on the whole I think this poem definitely has a lot of potential.
The repetition in the first stanza really gives it rhythm and (for me at least) a feeling of the act being dragged out and postponed.
The last stanza just doesn't feel right to me, though it's difficult to pinpoint a particular reason. The flow of the poem suddenly seems to falter, though I love the image of burning memories.

Thanks all for comments, I'll take a look at it soon.