Young Writers Society

A'ight!
This goes to kinda' a hip-hop beat. I've been debating for a few days over if I should post this or not. After much deliberation (and against my better judgement) I'm posting. Please feel free to post on the poem alone and not the subject of which it is about. It's about the only poem I've gotten out of myself for the longest time, and I needed to put something here. So slaughter me.

I won't say I didn't love you,
I won't say we couldn't try,
And I won't say that I don't think of you,
'Cause that would be a lie.

Not like I didn't try n' tell you,
Not like you didn't feel the same,
But I think about it everyday,
And it's driving me insane.

In my dreams I see you,
And I want to hold you tight,
But I'm tossing in my sleep,
My heart ain't gonna' give up this fight.

It pains me to see you now,
I ask what could have become?
Would today be the same as yesterday?
Back when we tried to run away.
How could I have been so dumb?

But you were on and off with my best friend,
And I was to go on with yours,
Waited three days for you to say no way,
But instead you said okay.
What the hell was I waiting for?

Is that why you stayed with him?
Felt like you were on the shelf?
I tried not to hurt my best friend,
But I ended up hurtin' myself.

And now I'm waiting for a dream,
A dream of sweet release,
Where I can find my sanity,
Where I can find some peace.

So strip away my heart,
Freeze my tears before they fall,
These dreams ain't worth the pain I feel,
And I wanna' stop 'em all.

Goodbye.



Well, there it is. Enjoy.
PS The title is as random as my thoughts right now, but someone knows how I am with thoughts.
And the poll is an honest poll. I don't like having titles perfectly relate to the poem.

You spelled Potato wrong.. grr.... I'll read more later, I shouldn't be breathing...

7#N><,
Fixed

Alright, I have managed to replace half of my poem but It still isn't up to par. I need help with these lines. Can anyone think of lines that say the same thing, but fit better? When I read this, I thought to myself, "It's crap!" Now that I've gone through it a few more times, I know it's been upgraded to carp and smells about the same; fishy. So, I'll abandon this one as well. Of course, this means that my brain will be holding the same thoughts and emotions in my head and will refuse to let me write or think about anything else. My IQ is dropping. Doom it! Randomness spreads like a plague through my body, to my hands, and upon these keys just to complicate me more by making me look bad. So please help me complete this to help me drop it.

Bye

I did like it. Even though I'm quite sure it would take forever to learn the words.

I hope it's not true that you abandoned this poem but kept the feelings. If it is, I've found that starting a poem over with a different form or rhyme scheme in mind helps more than reworking the same lines. I agree that this sounds more like a rap than a poem, and that excuses its simplicity. Good luck.

it's got a good 'beat' to it, and it flows pretty good, although here and there are bits that kind of break it up....but it's good

i really liked it ...good goin...