Young Writers Society

my sushi blueboy to Sean C.

when i think of you. i think of you in shades of pink and blue. electricblueblondeboy full of waterwishes and half cocked smiles (similes) and rosy lips cracked and soft skin tanned in the sun.

today you resemble your sushi. raw, simple. and it slips past your lips.

les mots that cover green workbooks de francais are littered scribbles of travaille de bébés

and to tease with the ease of the devil is a gift.

something about your laugh or your infinite
reservoir of arrogance: such a cocksure
draws people to you
seemingly like moths to the flame
even though no one gets burned
you still hold that enticing, exciting mystery
but cool calm blue reason is
something of a balm
that coats your speech

when i think of you. i think of you in shades of pink and blue.
rosesaltelectricblue.
sushiblue.
a hint of beryl in the moments where laughter is the commoncoldcure for everything left behind.

Wow. I'm really starting to like your style. How long have you been writing?

Your work is very soothing and easy to read.

Lovely, as Morgan says - easy to read and sometimes that's a rare pleasure.

I don't know why, but using "half-cocked" and "cocksure" in the same poem sounds too similar to me, unless there's a particular reason to do so.

But otherwise a joy to read.

Wow...thats weird...but cool!!! i love the line "and to tease with the ease of the devil is a gift," though i dont really get it... but its still really cool. poems dont have to make sense...
'

Beautiful. Unique. Wish I wrote something like that.

As other people have said, it's wonderful. I like it how you mix words up (eg. "rosesaltelectricblue" and "sushiblueboy") and the entire poem has these bright, neon, almost vibrant images. It's very colourful throughout and you explain that you think of him in colours. I loved "les mots that cover green workbooks de francais are littered scribbles of travaille de bébés" That's a great line. I always do that (mix English and French) to make strange-sounding sentences. I really enjoyed it!

I didn't like it. The smooth-flowing sentences lulled me to sleep, so I have no idea what I read. You need sonorization (creation of noise in silence), you need to jar your reader, through awkward line breaks, unfurled and ferocious imagery that bites and makes your readers bleed. In our modern times, silence and synthesized smooth-sayers are something all too common.

And while the fusion of words is mildly interesting, it borders on pulledoutofahat.

Incandescence wrote:I didn't like it. The smooth-flowing sentences lulled me to sleep, so I have no idea what I read. You need sonorization (creation of noise in silence), you need to jar your reader, through awkward line breaks, unfurled and ferocious imagery that bites and makes your readers bleed. In our modern times, silence and synthesized smooth-sayers are something all too common.

And while the fusion of words is mildly interesting, it borders on pulledoutofahat.

Don't you think in some ways that the smoothness and lulling nature of the poem makes it good? It's almost hypnotic. It's so colourful and vibrant and yet almost sleepy at the same time. I think that's a strength. I'm reminded of being in a taxi in the middle of the night, very tired, in some vast city (Tokyo maybe.. "sushi" etc) with lights flashing outside amongst the bustle. Of course the theme of the poem is slightly different to that but the images work very powerfully in my opinion. Also the witty English/French sentence and the neologisms alone should be enough to keep you awake and focussed I would say!

Yeah, the lulling nature is it's best quality. Who says you need to remember exactly what you read as long as the feelings behind it have a lasting effect?

*mouth drops open* that was the best poem i've ever read on here. I love it its so easy to read and the imagry was so good and the way you squished together words to make one was cool. And the freaky part is that I have a friend named Sean too that fits this poem *twitch* freakyness....

I didn't have any feelings from reading it. It struck me as a dead, lifeless poem.

I think you made that point already haven't you Brad?

As I usually do, I went through the reviews first, trying to see what people've said. I tried to find something wrong with it, but alas, it's très bien. I have to agree with my good friend Sierra...it is one of the best poems I've read on the site. It's refreshingly different. And the lulling-ness of it makes it so fun to read.

why thank you all. So nice to hear stuff like this...

I understand you sentiment Brad, I really do, I'd probably say the exact same thing in your shoes or in my own...or whatever...in any case... and in defense of my own work I have to say that this was done as a character piece.

Sean is a very interesting fellow, I sat next to him in French all last year, this was my end of school present to him. his favorite words in french were: travaille de bébés and c'est dang! I will always equate him with french and laughter and waterpolo...hehheh

hekategirl: that's really interesting... c'est dang!

cheers all CL

As if you need another compliment of a comment, I thought it was excellent...a footnote to tell me what the french stuff meant would be nice, just for those inquisitive minds...because there is more to the poem that I don't understand...which makes me realize that I want to understand it. Then again, always leave them wanting more, I'm rambling. Thanks for the read.