Young Writers Society

the city has lost a certain hold inside
it feels so worn being chained to this life
i've been around and seen one hundred scenes
where those who dare to tread the wheel
one day find out what's behind that hill

spend half a life deciding what went wrong
trying to find out what took you so long
until you feel it's all part of some crazy scheme
it conjours in your mem'ries 'til
you discover what's behind that hill

you picked me up and we went for a drive
into the stained glass cavern of night
you turn to say, your eyes fixed on the rows
take me from this place i know
the ruined landscaped that i once called home
i dont know what in this is world is trying to save me
but i can feel its hand and its guiding me in sign
to the one that i recieved
each pointed sign along the road
will melt away in source tag & in code

I enjoyed this poem very much. I loved some of your images.

the city has lost a certain hold inside ---(this is a little confusing, but it's probably just me. I just don't see what you are trying to get through here)
it feels so worn being chained to this life (this is a very nice picture)
i've been around and seen one hundred scenes (I didn't like the word 'around' in this. I suggest rewording it, but I liked 'seen one hundred scenes)
where those who dare to tread the wheel (tread the wheel? A little confusing, but good)
one day find out what's behind that hill (interesting)

spend half a life deciding what went wrong (I love this line)
trying to find out what took you so long (beautiful)
until you feel it's all part of some crazy scheme (this is good, but not my personal favorite of word choice)
it conjours in your mem'ries 'til (Very nice)
you discover what's behind that hill (I like the repetition)

you picked me up and we went for a drive
into the stained glass cavern of night (Amazing picture)
you turn to say, your eyes fixed on the rows (fixed in rows... very nice)
take me from this place i know
the ruined landscaped that i once called home (I like the feeling of this line)
i dont know what in this is world is trying to save me ('what in this is world'? Do you mean 'what in this world'?)
but i can feel its hand and its guiding me in sign
to the one that i recieved
each pointed sign along the road (I love those last 3 lines)
will melt away in source tag & in code (Interesting choice for an ending.)

I really liked this poem. Very nicely done. Keep writing.

I liked it. I have no criticism. I liked the subtle rhyming. It didn't seem forced at all.

Thank you!

That "is" was a typo, my bad.
Glad you enjoyed it.

The city has lost a certain hold inside. - my feeling of disconnection from the town I grew up in.
Those who dare to tread the wheel - Those brave enough to set off on their own.

Thanks for the clarification, Rincewind