Young Writers Society

Can you hear me now
I have nothing left to lose
I'm naked and broken
my scars shinning in the moonlight

I'm so tired of fighting each day
just to see you walk past me
to smell you as you walk away
I don't want to feel like this

Every day becoming an on going battle
I begin to picture your hand in mine
our bodies close again
but I know it can never be

I just want to hear one last time
your sweet words the lies
I want to die beleiving it again
I don't want to die alone like Ia m

My last breathes not craddled in love
only the loneliness you left behind...

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Sorry not great I know but I just thought I would whip it up

There are some grammatical issues you need to fix. For instance, "shinning" should be "shining" and "craddled" should be "cradled."

You also need to add in some commas; it just doesn't read right otherwise. For example, "your sweet words the lies" would be better with a comma in between "words" and "the."

The tone, though, you got exactly right. Your choice of words is excellent and you really bring the character alive. Overall, nice job.

i really loved it probably cus i relate to it so much but still i really liked:

I'm so tired of fighting each day
just to see you walk past me
to smell you as you walk away
I don't want to feel like this

very nice, keep it up

Thank you muchously
I just write how I feel never really any good but the words mean stuff to me, my thoughts written down.
muchous love wu