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Young Writers Society


Ode to the Sheep-like Masses



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Points: 890
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Wed Aug 24, 2005 11:37 pm
Eleanor Rigby says...



Note: This is the first draft of this poem, so any replies regarding how I could make it better would be VERY appreciated! Thanx! (P.S. I can't write poems!) Also, it would be helpful to know what a spin doctor is before reading this poem.

Spin doctor, spin doctor,
Plant grape seeds in my mind,
Fill me with perceptions sweeter than wine.

Soldiers marching upon the horizon towards an empty field
They perceive nothing but the present triviality
Minds molded into assessing what is properly fit
Philosophies masked by the corporate whores
Who slaughter any independent thought.

Spin doctor, spin doctor,
Spin me a web,
A web full of slurs to which there is no end.

Teenagers riding the bus to their fortunes
Fate teetering upon the contemporary answer
To the ancient question that nobody asked
They were crafted to please and to conform to each other
Values and ideologies swept thoughtlessly under the rug.

Spin doctor, sin doctor
Dress me a list
Seal the contents with your poisonous kiss.

The one who sees black remains alone in the crowd
While others are blinded by the white of the system
Daring to unwrite the words to the declaration
And break down stone by stone the wall of denial
Willing only to conform to the rules of the revolution.

Sin doctor, sin doctor,
Decipher the toll
Teach us to concede to the avariciousness of the soul.

The answers glisten on the tree waiting to be picked
No longer enslaved to the paradigms of "free speech"
For it's better to burn out then to fade into the seams
The soldier who decides to lose the war
Against the promiscuity of life.

Sin doctor, sin doctor,
Dream me a dream
A dream where reality's more than it seems.
  





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Thu Aug 25, 2005 2:24 pm
Rei says...



Sure, you can write poetry. I have no particular suggestions, but it was all right. With a little tweeking, it could be turned into a rap song.
Please, sit down before you fall down.
Belloq, "Raiders of the Lost Ark"
  








Adventure is worthwhile.
— Aesop