Young Writers Society

Change is Necessary.

I cannot control your role in life,
And so I must despise,
The way that you have chosen.
I see it in your eyes.
Everytime we are together,
I have to see you fade.
You know that I pity you,
You thought you had it made.

even though this was a poem, it still seemed as though it were a story. but sometimes, poems like this are good. however, don't get me wrong! i loved this.

I thought it was OK...the rhyming is unnessecarily pronounced, though. For a poem like this, which a lot of people write, you need to make it special. Write it in a different style, maybe even switch to non-rhyming.

I agree with above, but there were some parts that I didnt like. The rhyming was just unecessary, it would be better as a non-rhyming poem, which would be mostly like a really short story.

I cannot control your role in life,
And so I must despise,

Okay this part...uh...doesn't fit, the bottom line should be a little longer, maybe "And so then I must despise" or something?

You know that I pity you,
You thought you had it made.

This part was pretty good, although it ends rather awkwardly. Maybe you should make it a little longer, just a couple more line, to tie in everything together.

Overall, I liked it. It was really short which made it an easy read, I would like to see more of it though. But yeah, it was good.