Young Writers Society

(I know I've been posting quite a few recently, but I did comment on a few before I did this.)

My late night dreams are no longer
pleasant hopes and desires brimming
with love and honest kindness.
Instead they have been conquered by
the abberations and demons
from the land of nightmares.

My only saviour
holding the key to this
terrifying experience
is bathed in celestial light
and floating nonchalantly above
the hideous battle going on below

is you.
Let go of my heart
your grip is choking it
release my soul
that your still standing on
and let me go...

Yet asgain I love this - I do like your poems alot!!!

My only saviour
holding the key to this whole
terrifying experience
bathed in celestial light
and floating nonchalantly above
the hideous battle going on below

I feel that you don't the the 'Whole' in the second line but thats my opionin.

otherwise as I say love it...
muchous love wu

again, firestarter, you're a great poet! I love the way, at the end of the second stanza, you stop and then finish the sentence at the beginning of the third...don't know why, it's just cool that way. I don't care how many poems you post, 'cause I'll read them all and think they're great...

Thanks.

I'll remove the 'whole'.

I really love your poetry! This was shorter, so it kept my interest and I raelly liked it... Srry, no criticism..

Loved it. The rhythm was steady and it all flowed well. Though in the second stanza I think punctuation of some sorts might do nicely, it's a bit of a mouthful.

the hideous battle going on below

is you.

I think "is you" should probably be at the bottom of the previous stanza. Also, the one thing this poem lacked were commas and semi colons. It is so hard to read poems like this that don't have them. I mean, seriously. However, I agree with nickel pickle. It was short and did keep your interest. Just add some commas...