Young Writers Society

Lend me your mind,
and I will write you a thought.
A thought so priceless,
that can never be bought.

It will change your life
as it changed mine.
It will make you harsh as wildlife
or caring and divine.

You just have to concentrate,
make it your only aim.
Now just watch and wait,
as you become master of the game.

You pave your own way.
Every evil in your path you slay.
You walk towards your goal.
In the end the thought may purify your soul.



Hope you guys like it...

Very good! I really liked it, It was short, simple, and raw.
The fourth line in your first stanza should read "that it can never be bought".
Also, I'm not sure why you changed up your rhyme scheme at the end, but nevertheless this is great poetry!
Keep up the good work!
-Alex

This is a very nice poem! Ha, it's funny, how boredom tends to bring out the best in us writers!

I really liked the whole rhyme scheme you have going! The flow is good as well, nice and clear! I particularly enjoyed the 3rd stanza the most

Here's my only suggestion though:

"You pave your own way;
Every evil in your path you slay.
You walk towards your goal,
And in the end the thought may purify your soul."

Perhaps you should have added a semicolon on that 1st line? As well as the comma/"and" part, too? That's just my opinion, though! Modified or not, I like this poem!

Overall, good work!

How beautiful! I kinda rapped while i read it! I think you write wonderfully and just stick yo your style cuz..thats the way you express yourself and your the best at it!

ten minutes! that's cool.
i love the simplicity and the creativity in the poem. i also love the rhyme (i kinda missed rhyme because recently i'm writing free verse lyrics and poems). keep writing.
PM me for anything.

-telle.

Ha. You give me a challenge, Ehte. Yes. This will require extreme reviewing ninja skills. However, nothing scares this user. Except llamas. But that's beside the point. So.

ehte92 wrote:Lend me your mind,
and I will write you a thought.
A thought so priceless, Perhaps there is another word that would sound better than "priceless."
that can never be bought. Well, that's what priceless means, so not too much power in this line.

It will change your life
as it changed mine.
It will make you harsh as wildlife I would not call a zebra harsh. Nor giraffes. Not even llamas, for that matter. No, I think it would be safe to say that wildlife is not "harsh." And it would also be safe to say that "wildlife" and "life" are not quite the best rhyme. When two words only end in the same suffix, such as "-life," it is not considered rhyming.
or caring and divine. Whoa. Big stretch there. Also, "caring" and "divine" are two completely different things. One can be caring but not divine, or the other way around.

You just have to concentrate, Meh. Cliched.
make it your only aim. Make what my only aim?
Now just watch and wait,
as you become master of the game.

You pave your own way.
Every evil in your path you slay. Longer line than the rest. Rhythm breaker.
You walk towards your goal.
In the end the thought may purify your soul. Again, long line. And I think this line could be worded more poetically. Also, all the lines in this stanza end in periods, like they're not related to each other at all.

There. I'm on to your next one.

-Kafka

I love this poem. It is really good. I just had to tell you I liked it. Keep writing!

Hello there! This is a great example of a poem that has a great story line and rhyming to it that it flows nicely and keeps the readers interest. I like this stanza:

Lend me your mind,
and I will write you a thought.
A thought so priceless,
that can never be bought

.

It's really quite interesting, the idea of planting or loaning a thought directly into another humans brain. Kind of terrifying actually! While it is an intriguing stanza, I think I'd rather keep my brain closed and my own thoughts untampered to be safe! Haha! I love the abstractness of the idea throughout and it was fun to read! Keep on chuggin!

-Butterfinger!

Really loved it. Its true boredom brings out the best in us writers ^^. Keep up the good work and I can't wait for more!! Happy Review Day and best of wishes!!! I hope you write more soon. Happy Writing and may you receive many helpful reviews!!! Until laters...
Soulkana<3

Ok this poem deserves another like, its brilliant I like it alot.. just so you know I dont really check for grammar mistakes.. maybe just the spelling though, but all of it seems to be ok so you're off the hook lol.

This is beautiful in and of itself. It needs no other words of accolade, praise, or applause to convince the reader of its beauty. I read it four times before writing this review, each time thinking of words to say, then erasing them because they didn't seem to fit. You challenge the rest of us to remember what good writing truly is. I pray you never lose that quality! Thank you for the insight provided and the emotions evoked through this work of art. I love it!