Young Writers Society

I waited last night,
My hair in place for you,
Hours of perfection unoticed
My flaws hidden beneath my mask.

Seconds passed,
Minutes mounted,
Hours left me alone,
Guests arrive their targets sighted.


You didn't come,
Yet I still waited,
Last night was my final plea,
My last hope shot down.

I read your name on so many walls,
Your figure upon the sofa,
Flash backs pouring through my heart,
I began to spin.

I waited, and waited,
Every piece of my fragile body,
Becoming unstuck, falling to pieces,
Nothing left but broken hopes.

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My not to sure on this but hey comments very welcome

I waited last night,
My hair in place for you,
Hours of finding a perfect top,<--- I don't really like this line, I think it throws off the flow of the poem
My flaws hidden beneath my mask.

Seconds passed,
Minutes mounted,
Guests devouring the alcohol, <--- this is just a small nitpicky thing, but I don't know if "devouring" works well when you are talking about liquid
Hours left me alone.

You didn't come,
Yet I still waited,
Last night was my final plea,
My last hope shot down.

I read your name on so many walls,
Your figure upon the sofa,
Flash backs pouring through my heart,
I began to spin.

I waited, and waited,
Every piece of my fragile body,
Becoming unstuck, falling to pieces, <--- I love this whole stanza, it works really well for me.
Nothing left but broken hopes.

I thought this was really well written. The voice of the girl in the poem is so strong, you actually feel a bit sorry for her. That, my dear Wulie, is a rare experience for a reader. Loved it!

I totally agree with you myriadne!!!! I'm not happy with tihs poems I've got the right ideas lol just not the right words so I shall change it thank you for your help!

Well, the poem, in it's entirety, the way it was written--I didn't particulary care for. (Sorry, I'm in a real bad mood today) But the concept, the message you were conveying, especially this part:

You didn't come,
Yet I still waited,
Last night was my final plea,
My last hope shot down.

Really caught me.
I felt an impact of relation that was so strong, I was nearly freaked out. I truly could relate and sometimes, that's all that matters. I guess I can say I liked this...

I did really like this. I've been in situations where I just wanted this person to show up, I'd made myself look the best I'd ever looked, I was practically shaking with anticipation. Then they don't come, and I keep sitting, and waiting, trying to stop myself from continually hoping, cos by then I knew they weren't coming. But I still hoped. Your poem made me relive that, I felt for that person. Which is good.

Oh yes, I particually like the last stranza too!

Thank you - thats how I wanted the reader to feel... !