Young Writers Society

Hours of watching you,
Like I used to,
Yet this time,
You didn't watch me back.

Minuets passed and courage grew,
One word to you is all I need,
Just for your eyes to set upon me,
For one little second.

My body taken over,
I surge towards you,
Words flying through my head,
What to say to the one I shared my life with?

Holding my hand out my mouth open,
But tears just fall,
There's nothing left of you and me,
Only the worn memories I hold so close.

You're so beautiful,
Your eyes still my ocean of thought,
Your arms the home I once had,
I can't hide from you any more.

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This poem is the true feelings of me so hey go forth and read but read as if you're a very scared confused person.

Wulie

This poem left me with the question: What?

The last line didn't fit and was totally incoherent with the rest of the poem.

As for the rest of the poem, it wasn't your best work, but it certainly wasn't your worst.

I agree. The last line make sense to me but I can see thats because I wrote it... its about a girl who is hiding from the person she loved because they split up, and he didn't want to know her any more and all she wants to do is reach out to him, does that make sense?
Love wu

Hehe... I kind of agree with Incandescence, as it doesn't make sense at first glance. You kind of have to go through it a couple times to get it. That's no fun!

First stanza- this whole thing makes absolutely no sense to me. Please explain. Why does he/she watch this nameless 'you'?

Fourth stanza- I had to read this one over and over again to get the meaning. I get what you're trying to say 'I really want to talk to you, but I can't.' You could just say that! And why is her mouth open? (assuming she's a she) I got that too, but at first I'm like 'What?'

Fifth stanza- I really like the first three lines. They're cool. But why is this person hiding from 'you'? I don't get it. At first they were trying to go after 'you', now they're afraid of them. WHAT IS GOING ON???

This poem has potential, don't get me wrong, but you have to definitely work on it and play with it a bit so it sounds right.


***RESPONSIBILITY OF S.P.E.W.***

I don't know your other work but this really resonated with me. I felt like it was about that awkward, scary moment when you realize something you had for a long time doesn't exist anymore. You know, when you don't want to end a relationship even though there's nothing left. I don't like the second and fourth lines of the fifth stanza, they're just too predictable but overall I really like it.

Hey - I can see this peom hasnt worked and I can understand that as its from my thoughts lol I will now go forth and explain::
First stanza - She is looking at her ex boyfriend (she still loves him) and is remembering how they used to stare at each other.

Second stanza - getting courage to og and talk to him again

Third stanza - shes going to talk to him

Fourth stanza - she reaches him her mouth open to say something but she just breaks down she can't talk to him. she realsies all they ever had broken

Fith stanza - shes hiding from her ex boyfriend because he hates herr shes scared to talk to him again shes staying out of his way as he wished her to and shes so tired of having to hide from him.

Does that make sense? I know itsd not a good poem by the fact I have to expalin it lol
But hey thanks for reading any way
Muchous love wu