Young Writers Society

The secrets behind me.
A tight smile and warm eyes,
No one knows the secrets.
I smile and laugh,
Its so easy now.
To fake the truth.

My hands shake,
my mind in disarray.
But each day and always,
I push on the mask.
I grin and pretend.
While each day,
My heart cracks
More and more.

Such fools you all are.
Can't care enough to see,
The real me. The hurt me.
My eyes gaze down at you.
But all you see it my mask.
You laugh and move on,
without a single care.

I tremble beside you,
The strain becoming too much.
Soon tears trickle down my cheeks.
But you just ignore them,
You do not see them.
To wound up you all are
Caught in your own lives.

You can't see me.
Not the real me.
The one who cries each night.
The one who fights with each minute
To keep from breaking
Into millions of pieces,
Irreplaceable shards of my soul.

Days drag on mindlessly.
My mask begins to slip.
My pain filled heart,
Beats in sync
with my tears of sorrow.

You ask me what's wrong.
I say nothing and you shrug.
Too uncaring to care I'm lying.
Heart breaking I wait.
Wait for you and only you.

I want you. I miss you.
I wish you were here.
But still you don't come.
I whisper reassurance,
of false truth.
You'll be back tomorrow.
Or the next. Or the next.
An endless cycle.

Now drained of all hope.
I stare blankly up
At the teacher.
Who notices my change.
She inquires softly of it.
But I shake my head in denial.
I'm fine. I force out.
It's a lie and she knows.

But you're all that matters.
That smile that lights up
My whole reason of life.
But weeks you've been gone.
I know you're busy.
I know you are in college.
But a hello is what I need.
Or a simple I love you.

But neither has graced my heart.
Not since you've moved.
Finally my mask cracks.
I slide to the floor.
Now broken in grief.
Worry sends my mind whirling.
I glance up as you stand before me.
You're face filled with guilt.
But you're not really there.
You're never there now.

Its only them.
The ones who ignore.
The ones to obsessed,
With the drama of their own.
To take in the hurt of one they call,
A friend, a classmate, or a student.

Head resting against my hands.
I finally notice the ping,
You've come back.
My heart jumps in joy.
With a weak smile I write back.

Soon you're gone again.
The cycle begin again.
Only this time I'm now free,
The mask now in place.
I can finally make it
Through another year.
Of painstakingly holding on.
To you. The one I love to pieces.
My cracked mask
Lays scarred on myself,
As I smile up at the world.
I'm back and ready.

Hi! Here to review!!!

A tight smile and warm eyes,
No one knows the secrets.

As much as I like this line, it didn't really pull me in. How could you make this more interesting?

The secrets behind me.

Now, this would have been perfect opening line.

Its so easy now.
To fake the truth.

I like this line.

my mind in a giant mess.

This isn't very poetic. Is there a word that would be?

I really liked this poem. Good job.
~Drama

I always hate critiquing poems that have such sorrowful emotions behind them, but once again, off I go on my critique:

First of all, I think that the poem could do with a little cropping. It's a very long poem that could very easily be made into a much shorter poem, due to the fact that many of the emotions could be lumped together. I realize that each stanza technically expresses different things, but in light of the entire poem, they become slightly repetitive.

Secondly, I would suggest that in the future, you take more time going over your poems and pin-pointing different and more creative ways to say the things you have written. Perhaps it is just my personal preference, but I believe that poems are much more engaging when they have beautiful or shocking or unusual imagery in place of simple English phrases. For example, instead of writing "my mind in a giant mess," you might want to think of something interesting that is also very messy, and compare your mind to that. Is it a giant mess like a den of cannibals, with limbs and organs strewn about? No, perhaps that is a bit too gruesome. Is it a giant mess like a silver platter of compost, with half-eaten corncobs and rotten tomatoes and soggy spinach leaves falling all over each other? I would suggest exploring things like this for other phrases, such as "my heart cracks," "tears trickle down my cheeks," and "my heart jumps in joy."

Finally, if these are your own sentiments, or those of someone you know, I would just like to give you (or them) some encouragement. Sometimes things can feel achingly lonely, especially when you are in pain or confused or even just irritated, and have no one to talk to who will listen the way you need them to listen. The people you need flicker in and out of your life, but what you are feeling and thinking doesn't always like to move in synch with the times those people are around. But Jesus is always always always around, whether you like it or not, whether you believe in Him or not. Your not believing in him doesn't make Him not real. I kid you not, Jesus is literally my best friend. I think that when all my friends scampered off to college, He used that opportunity to say, "Hey, lilchoma, remember me? We used to talk all the time, but you kind of forgot about me, because you were too busy depending on your friends to alleviate your problems." I still feel lonely sometimes, because there's a part of me that desperately wants a physical being, someone who can give me a big hug. But I know I know I know that Jesus is enough. And even though he is enough, he doesn't keep me all to himself. He still gives me friends to talk to, and family, and every once in a while allows something fortuitous to happen that gives me a tiny little leap of joy. Be encouraged, Soulkana (or an acquaintance of Soulkana) :)

I love this poem too much critique it! I love the main idea behind it and the way you've presented it. Rhymes are fine. The title was the thing that really pulled me in.
It's fantastic!
<3 Angel

Hi there Soul! 8D

Okay, I'm going to try to give you a good review here. xD

In the first stanza you forgot an apostrophe. And I think there's a typo in the third one. If I were you I'd re-read it carefully to edit it, it has some silly errors. xD No biggie. But talking 'bout the writing, it's great. You put a lot emotion into it, and it's pretty simple, so easy to understand. Almost brought tears to my eyes, since I know you as something more than just a writer. I really like it. Great job! ^_^

~Solvy-Imouto(=