Young Writers Society

Is that a tear I see you shed?
Is it of sorrow or of dread?

Before you answer me though,
turn, and take a look around.
Spring is here, its beauty galore!
In sadness, you need not be bound.

For the flowers, they are blooming
and it's only you, they are wooing.

And the sun and the birds
together, inspire these words
of happiness I want you to feel.
Is it too much then, to make of a deal?

The butterflies, to you they plead
while waving across the wind
my awed attention, is what they lead.

The dew, as glistening as it is,
reflects on that pout
you wear on your lips.

Oh, little girl, don't you be afraid
for to see you happy, is the purpose
of my little spring serenade.

So what use is it, to see you sad?
When a smile is what
would make me glad.

But I soon realize, that you were not blue.
For your sadness, was anything but true.

With all that's been said,
And all I've hoped and prayed,
You had just bumped your head
And a fool I had been made!

Hey this is Leopard reviewing for you.
First of all, i'd like to say how much I like this work. Great job.

Now, here's some things you could imprve.
The Length of the versesUnless this is something you did on purpose, I think there maybe should be some sort of order and style to the poem, e.g four lines a verse, then two, then four, or something like that.
Ryhimng Mostly, your ryhming is brilliant! I could never ryhme like that. But sometimes, as I mentioned before, the whole thing seems a little unorganized and the ryhming patterns aren't really the same.

murtuza wrote:Is that a tear I see you shed?
Is it of sorrow or of dread?

I love this opening. It really makes the reader think why are they crying? It is a good opening as it draws the reader in, maing them want to knwo whats happening.
Anyway, I think it's brilliant. A very good poem. I am NOT a poet at all. But I think you have real talent and you should definitely keep going with this one!
Keep Ryhming,
~Leopard

Well, hello

That was a really nice poem. It was light and happy. The rhyming was brilliant. It kept with the flow, didn't seem out of place to much and you stuck with it right through to the end. I personally find it hard to rhyme so perfectly so i really admire your talent!

Cannot see any mistakes and I like the idea of Spring serenade. Its something nice and different. A bit out of place as Spring is now over, but oh well! Its a nice poem so why shouldn't it be posted!

Liked it a lot!

Deanie x

I really loved this poem. It had a smooth flow and was very merry. Like the other comments, the rhyming was excellent! I thought it was not possible to have a good poem, while all the words were rhyming, but you proved me wrong. Another thing, the imagery was just magnificent. I really can see every little detail in the poem. You are talented, and always continue to write!

Awww I loved this! it was so sweet and beautiful and had such a lovely flow! I'm still no expert at poetry, but I really got into this piece. The imagery is gorgeous and the narrator's tone is wonderfully simple and romantic. Then.... the last line made me laugh. Such a cute ending. Lovely, my friend Great job!

~Jess

I really like this, it's short and sweet. You captured the imagery of Spring beautifully, so bravo!