Young Writers Society

Dear Ms. Nostalgia,
Your light still beckons me from afar,
Your impeccable beauty, greater than any star,
Your eyes shimmer like memories of old,
Now I’m just mourning for the love that they hold.
For when your perfection bathes my eyes,
I see The Lord’s Heaven, without any dark disguise.

Dear Ms. Nostalgia,
Why aren’t you here?
Why does your face appear?
Intruding my dreams,
Ripping my thoughts at the seams?
You are there but then you’re not.
It’s like you’ve left my heart to rot.

Dear Ms. Nostalgia,
You appear lost.
It’s as if your heart has been chilled by a frost.
Oh, beautiful! Where have you gone?
I can’t wait a second longer to see you in the dawn.
Will I ever be able to sleep?
All night it’s just endless sheep.

Dear Ms. Nostalgia,
Life is just an empty space,
When you’re not here and I can’t see your face.
Handfuls of memories are cascading down these walls,
Because I couldn’t ever let you go when I’m returning only your calls.
Only your real return can take my breath away.
It feels like I am drowning in paradise all day.

Dear Ms. Nostalgia,
I’m afraid I’m blacking out.
I couldn’t ever imagine, a life without,
Your beauty, your grace.
You are the entire human race.
And I can’t deny,
Without you, I’m just living a lie.


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I wrote this is Personal Fitness class today. The first part is more towards the dramatic side. The second was written after I worked out, and it's more lyrical. I am aware that at parts it may sound poorly written. I apologize for this. It's not always easy to concentrate on any one thing in that class.

Not bad. Better than I at least.

Well that is fact it has a nice flow to it but like you said some parts were poorly written and I can read that too. I got stuck on one. But it very well written. The rhyme to it is very good.
All in all its a good piece of art. I simply love this.
Keep on writing.


ER

Sera!

This review is long overdue! *shakes head*

To be quite honest, I'm finding it really hard in finding a single mistake in there somewhere. It's been so well written and yes, I did notice the slight change from Dramatic to Lyrical. The 'Oh, Beautiful!' part was real classy.

I love personifications. You've made out Nostalgia to be such a wonderful character. All seducing and mysterious and whatnot. The entire poem is about finding Ms. Nostalgia and of all the troubles the narrator has to go through without her. It's quite humorous and appealing in a sense, because of the wonderful language and great play with words.

Because I couldn’t ever let you go when I’m returning only your calls.

This line to me seems unwanted. It's too stretchy for comfort and almost breaks flow that's already far too bumpy.

I couldn’t ever imagine, a life without,

just lose the first comma in this sentence and you're all set!

Handfuls of memories are cascading down these walls,

For me, the word 'Handfuls' doesn't really quite fit in here. Perhaps words like 'Torrents' or something akin to having a rush of a plethora of memories.

Dear Ms. Nostalgia,
Your light still beckons me from afar,
Your impeccable beauty, greater than any star,
Your eyes shimmer like memories of old,
Now I’m just mourning for the love that they hold.
For when your perfection bathes my eyes,
I see The Lord’s Heaven, without any dark disguise.

- This is my favourite stanza.

You've managed to really allow me as a reader to connect with the narrator in his somewhat comical anguish. And all in all, I find this poem quite charming and very pleasant to read. Nostalgia normally is something that reaches us when we least expect it to. It's that enigma of emotions that brings us into the mood to reminisce and rejoice. I'm quite a nostalgic chap myself. So I give in to these things quite easily and thus I was lured to this poem by its title

Once again, you've shown me that you're an amazingly talented young individual and I can only wish that I had these mad writing skills when I was your age. Thank you for the read and I'm sorry that this 'review' couldn't be of any more developmental help. I always say this, but to you, it applies tenfold - Keep the ink flowing!

Murtuza

Seraph..... were you really worried that this poem wasn't any good....? Like really......... BECAUSE THIS IS AMAZING! So much imagery and so much description, i love the entire eerie and mysterious feel you put in there. It is sooooooooo good! I have to agree with Murtuza the first stanza is most certainly the best. I love this rhyming scheme and you managed to use Ms. Nostalgia in every line without making it sound repetitive and boring. Props to you on that.

There really isn't any errors or mistakes in here that Murtuza has already covered. This piece might make it into my top 10 favorite YWS poems i have ever read. Just maybe, because It is sooooo good. I hope you get featured! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!


TucEr EllsowrTh