Young Writers Society

Gliding
slow and fast.
Staying;
forever may you last.

Spraying the sky gray.
Falling onto the world.
Covering it with a frosted glass pane.
Giving me a glass bead curtain.

Drumming the roof
with your little fingertips,
singing me
a beautiful song.

You gently smooth
the folds and kinks
in my journey,
helping me along.

hi there I read this poem when it is raining outside. It is beautiful when the rain is gentle. well, i love your poem. the Verses is quite ok.

Gliding

I think you should put punctuation as you have put it on the third sentence.

Gliding;

I love the idea and the description of the rain makes me smile. Though i don't really get the last sentence;

helping me along.

- snoweary

Great poem

I love the description and imagery in the second stanza, however I also feel it stands out a bit from the rest - being longer and having a slightly different rhythm. Perhaps you could alter it to make it fit a bit more, or if it was intentional, ignore me!

I think the third stanza is beautiful - it is my favourite. Well done!

Hey Mirasol!!!!! Dogs here with your review today!!! So this is a great piece about rain, it has lot of imagery which I love. You also use a wide variety vocabulary which adds so much more depth and power to your words and leaves a stronger image in the readers head, props to you on that. This is such strong imagery but I think you can make this better. There is nothing here in your poem that I really have to correct, just potentially add. I suggest you try adding another layer to your poem. Add a character who is observing the rain and talk about what the rain seems to the character. What does the rain smell like, what does it sound like, what does it feel like. Does he like the rain? These are all questions that you can answer in your poem that would add even more depth and character just to your poetry.

All of these are just ideas and are totally up to you whether or not to add. This is a great poem but it has potential to be amazing. Thats all I have to say KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!!


TuckEr EllsworTh

Gliding
slow and fast.
Staying;
forever may you last.

Spraying the sky gray.
Falling onto the world.
Covering it with a frosted glass pane.
Giving me a glass bead curtain.

i like the way you described things. like you were looking right at it while you were writing. maybe you were. i can oicture the glass bead curtain. i can imagine looking at it.

Drumming the roof
with your little fingertips,
singing me
a beautiful song.

i liked this part. i could picture the rain in my mind and it makes me smile. i've always loved the rain. it soothes me for some reason.

You gently smooth
the folds and kinks
in my journey,
helping me along.

i imagined the rain gliding along my skin when i read this.


over all i absolutely loved reading this poem. and you get brownie points foro writing about rain. i love the rain. your flow was good and thw way you describe wat was happening was great. this poem completely cleared my mind and made the heache i had go away.BRAVO!!! KEEP WRITING!!!