Young Writers Society

I don't want a new beginning,
because starting a new life is ending the old one.
Having a new place to sleep,
but it isn't my home, because home is where the heart is.

I don't want to end the old life,
because the old life is the life I'm living right now.
Ending the life I'm living
is the same thing as being dead, isn't it.

This new place where we are
is strange and foreign, I don't like it at all.
The old memories are gone,
and everything is completely different.

You are my old life, and leaving that
means leaving you, but you are my everything.
I don't want to leave you,
which means I can't leave home.

First off, I love the subject matter. Change is difficult. I think you captured this eloquently.

I don't want a new beginning,
because starting a new life is ending the old one.
Having a new place to sleep,
but it isn't my home, because home is where the heart is.

The second and fourth lines are a bit too long and break up the flow. I would suggest something along the lines of:

I don't want a new beginning,
because starting a new life
is ending the old.

This spacing could be applied to more of the poem, too.

The fourth line ('having a new place...') isn't quite clear, either; I don't think it's a complete sentence. Could you clarify your point on that line?

I don't want to end the old life,
because the old life is the life I'm living right now.
Ending the life I'm living
is the same thing as being dead, isn't it.

'Old' and 'new' can get a bit repetitive. Could you use more synonyms? Also, and this is purely your choice, the last line might flow better as a question, not a statement. It depends on what you're trying to say; if you're aiming for a more dead-beat tone, it's fine as it is.

Keep writing!

Hello there!

First off, I'd just like to say that I can completely identify with the feelings in this poem. It sucks, doesn't it, when you wat to move on but understand that moving on means leaving behind something that you aren't ready to leave behind? It makes you understand how things can get complicated so easily. I feel like you expressed this in this piece very nicely. Great job there.

I don't want a new beginning,
because starting a new life is ending the old one,
having a new place to sleep,
but it isn't my home, because home is where the heart is.

Very nice beginning to the poem. It's very expressive and I get a good sense of the anguish you're expressing.

I don't want to end the old life,
because the old life is the life I'm living right now.
Ending the life I'm living
is the same thing as being dead, isn't it?

One of my best friends once told me that to not be yourself is the same thing as committing suicide. What you're expressing is almost the same thing, but not quite. It gives me something to think about.

This new place where we are
is strange and foreign. I don't like it at all.
The old memories are gone,
and everything is completely different.

There is only one thing I might do to this stanza, and I'm not even sure if I would do it, but I'm going to suggest it anyway. I might make the last two lines into their own sentences with periods at the end, and omit the 'and' at the beginning of the second line. I feel like it might emphasize those feelings just a tad more.

You are my old life, and leaving that
means leaving you, but you are my everything.
I don't want to leave you,
which means I can't leave home.

This is my favorite stanza of the whole piece. It sums everything up perfectly and is realistic and not overly dramatic. Still, I get a sense of your anguish and muddled sense of confusion. Wonderful.

I'm going to end this by saying that you have an awesome piece of work here and that I look forward to reading more from you. Also, I know that it's hard to move on sometimes, but sometimes moving on is what's best, no matter how hard it is. The hardest thing you'll ever have to do is accept a truth that you don't want to accept. Sometimes, though, the truth is best, no matter how blunt it is.

Always always always keep writing!

-Rose

I really like the subject first off. I relate to it very well and if you read some of my poems you'll see why change is never easy and forgetting is even harder! I didnt feel the poem had as much flow as it should and you used the same words too much. Repetitions fin but not every few words if you understand me. I do think your poem had great potential though and i look forward to reading more from you and your story. You can take my advice or not, either way you'll find your own way
Keep writting