Young Writers Society

My little sister (who is so sweet) asked me the 5 W and how questions about love. I didn't have a proper answer so I ended up writing a poem about it. Hope it is some good

What is love, you ask.
Love is sweeter than honey,
It is warmer than the sun,
It blinds your eyes,
It deafens your ears,
And it fills your every thought.
Love is indescribable.

How do you love, you ask.
There are many ways to express love.
A walk along the beach,
Hand in hand.
A picnic in the meadows,
Under the blue sky.
Love is what you say and how you act.

Where do you love, you ask.
Love can spark anywhere.
Love can spark anytime.
It roots in your heart,
And penetrates your mind.
Love is everywhere.

When do you love, you ask.
Love all the time.
Love when you are together,
Love when you are apart,
Love when you are near,
Love when you are far,
But always love someone forever.

Why do you, you ask.
Love for the joy it brings you,
And for the smile it brings to someone else.
Love to create a bond to hard to break
Love for the experience
Love because of what you feel inside.

Who do you love, you ask.
Always love your friends,
Always love yourself,
Always love your neighbor,
But love your family most of all.




...

Deanie!

Haha, such an adorable insight into the magic and wonder that love sparks within us. This is sweet and since you wrote this based off your sister's curiosity, it's even cuter.

Great imagery clubbed with simple language, urging for thought. It's warm and endearing.

Deanie wrote:Love when you are together,
Love when you are apart,
Love when you are near,
Love when you are far,

- The first two lines were enough, since the rest is just a repeat of those two lines.

Another nice and charming poem you've written that I like. Keep the ink flowing and I hope your sis finds a way to solve all of her 'love' doubts!

Murtuza

Awh this is the cutest poem ever! You're little sister seems like a smart kid I loved this, it was so simple and true. Well done! I don't have anything bad to say about it really? The flow of it is pretty good and nothing seemed to throw me out of focus of the poem so I guess it's safe to say that it is fairly well structured. =] Kudos! =]

This is beautiful. Such a wonderful message of love-- and little kids are always good for inspiration. If these are the answers you gave, that little one will be very clever and sweet.

Amazing

Hey there!
So when I saw that you're only twelve years old, I was really impressed. This is a really good poem to be writing at that age, but you still have a long way to go. This was cute and sweet, and you had a solid theme running throughout, but now you need to work on the actual "poetry" aspect of it. You know, metaphors, similes, stuff like that. That's not really something I can teach you though; you just have to practice a lot until you find your own voice and style. Reading a lot helps too.
I have a lot of respect for you for wanting to post your work. When I was your age, I would never have done that. I was too shy and too afraid of what people would think of me, so you have a lot of courage.
The only real critique I have for this is:

Why do you, you ask.

You forgot the "love" in this sentence.

That said, you have a lot of potential, so don't stop writing. I hope to see you around YWS for a long time.

Deanie! This is truly amazing. I love it - it really touches me :3
I can't say much apart from brilliant!

(Sorry that it wasn't much help. I'm still thinking about it )

Sweetie, this is soooo beautiful!!
I really love it...

Deanie wrote:What is love, you ask.
Love is sweeter than honey,
It is warmer than the sun,
It blinds your eyes,
It deafens your ears,
And it fills your every thought.
Love is indescribable.

hahaha you can imagine what I felt when I started reading it... Who was on my mind *-*

Deanie wrote:Love is what you say and how you act.

Great, great, great line!!

Deanie wrote:Who do you love, you ask.
Always love your friends,
Always love yourself,
Always love your neighbor,
But love your family most of all.

It made me want to cry!!! It is so sweet... no surprise I call you sweetie, right?
I wish I could help you, but it seems to me that you are really close to perfection here, if you are not already there...

Deanie wrote:Love to create a bond to hard to break

I don't know, but wasn't it supposed to be "too hard to break"? Sorry if I got it wrong...

Anyway, sweetie, I love it!!
Congratulations!!

Wow, this is so perfect! And completely true! I absolutely love it! I like how you covered all the questions and I especially like your line

Love is indescribable.

So true.
I really didn't have much to say otherwise, just that this is a wonderful, well-written poem. Keep writing!

This a very sweet poem. I'm only sorry that I have no constructive critisim to give. I like how each stanza begins with every type of a question: What, How, Where, When and Who.

Who do you love, you ask.
Always love your friends,
Always love yourself,
Always love your neighbor,
But love your family most of all

This verse is very sweet and cuts to the chase as you read through the poem. The others are discriptive and the last verse just cuts done to business. It was very good!

Great poem it had rhythm and rhyme and everything else. I liked how it explained the different types of love and how to love because love is often hard to understand. Its also hard to put in words. You put it in the right words that could help someone understand.

Hello Deanie,

That was a really lovely poem! It was so sweet and incredible touching and after I'd finished reading it I was just so impressed, this is definitely something to be proud of. I love the depth of your words and the simple but beautiful response that each question received! This was one of the most heart warming poems I have ever had the privilege of reading and you should be so happy with what you have written!

What is love, you ask.
Love is sweeter than honey,
It is warmer than the sun,
It blinds your eyes,
It deafens your ears,
And it fills your every thought.
Love is indescribable.

Wow, this is such an amazing introduction to your poem. I love how you dive straight into the poem and i think that starting with the "what" was a sensible idea because it helps the flow a lot and it is a really lovely powerful way to introduce the subject and start it. My favorite line in this would definitely have to be the last line, it's just so true and it pulls the whole stanza together really well.

How do you love, you ask.
There are many ways to express love.
A walk along the beach,
Hand in hand.
A picnic in the meadows,
Under the blue sky.
Love is what you say and how you act.

I liked this part the most out of the whole poem. I don't know why exactly, it was just full of imagery and it was such a beautiful clear message. I can imagine everything you're saying without even having to think about it because everything is so simple and beautiful.

Where do you love, you ask.
Love can spark anywhere.
Love can spark anytime.
It roots in your heart,
And penetrates your mind.
Love is everywhere.

This is also pretty heart warming but i think you should consider rephrasing the question, it doesn't sound right. It might juts be me but I think it sounds awkward and unflowing. The rest of this is very nice though but it's starting to sound to simple at this point and you need to make it more interesting and try and make it a bit more powerful and emotive like the rest of the poem.

When do you love, you ask.
Love all the time.
Love when you are together,
Love when you are apart,
Love when you are near,
Love when you are far,
But always love someone forever.

Hmmm, I think this is sounding way too repetitive at this part. At first it was interesting but after a while it gets a little boring and i think you should change some of it so that it isn't so repetitive. The actual message though is still really nice and again I really love the imagery it creates.

Why do you, you ask.
Love for the joy it brings you,
And for the smile it brings to someone else.
Love to create a bond to hard to break
Love for the experience
Love because of what you feel inside.

The first thing that I caught in this stanza was that you left our "love" in the first line. Apart from that small error this was really good and I don't have much else to say, just that it's great.

Who do you love, you ask.
Always love your friends,
Always love yourself,
Always love your neighbor,
But love your family most of all.

Wow, what a lovely amazing way to end this amazingly beautiful poem. Very inspirational and charming and you are a very talented writer. I really look forward to seeing what you produce in the future and make sure you never stop writing, you have a real gift.

From DreamingForever

Wow, this is really great! I loved reading it.

Keep writing,
Justagirl

Hi.
I really loved your poem. It was really sweet.Keep writing.