Young Writers Society

Heart-To-Heart

I guess you
Got on with your life.
It’s better for both of us that way - or
At least that’s what I tell myself.

I never forgot you.
It was so hard to, I stopped trying.
Distracting myself from the voice in my head
Saying, “She’s the best you’ll ever have.”

I loved your music
your songs on paper
and the ones in your head.
The constant humming and orchestration,
Like living in a music box.

I loved our silence.
How we would sit,
Me listening to your breathing
While I wished you would give me the ticket
To admit me to your thoughts.
I loved that you didn’t need the words
That I am shackled to.
That you spoke to me without them.

Only in my thoughts
Can I confess
That I still need you.

You made me better.
I miss you.

This was pretty nice. I think it could use a tad more fluency... but I'm not really a lyric-writing person, so I always have trouble finding the exact problems. I like how it goes back and forth though. That was interesting! :)

I really liked it, good flow and dialogue, I think there were a few un essential lines here and there, but not nearly enough to ruin the experience. I really liked it! I thought...To each other, Can't leave, Joined forever, or Our Hearts Stitched. Just a few ideas Keep on writing - Jesse

I love how you stepped into the heads of two lovers, and took note of their feelings. This is beautiful and sweet.

Oh, geez! :O

Hi there, Amy!

You have no idea how much I loved this. Probably cause I know what you're talking about... xD But you managed to make it unique and that is very important. Although most of the poem flow, there is one line that makes me tilt my head:

The constant humming and orchestration,
Like living in a music box."

I think it was really creative, but it doesn't seem to fit... at least not to me. It's like finding a rock on the way, it kind of makes you stop for a moment... I don't know how to explain it, lol... It's like making a pattern of colors, using; blue, white, blue, white and so on, and suddenly... you put red... and that kind of distracts the reader. I'd suggest you to work on that, I'm sure you can express what you want making it sound more neat, since you showed us in the rest of your poem that you have the talent to do so.

Keep writing!

~Solly<3

Aw that was a very nice poem. Maybe you should add the part of it actually being two people at the beginning
Its very nice.

I loved this, the constant back and forth between two hearts, it was great.
I have nothing else to say other than keep writing like this, it's amazing.