Young Writers Society

The decaying soul has stopped whispering,
The reason and the cause is still a mystery.
Why is the door to humanity suddenly shut?
You ask yourself with mere disgust.
Another day with the same life,
You walk for miles to quench your thirst.

Humanity is a gift we all long for,
Such a fail as the mothers kill their sons.
In dust we were created to exist,
Now it's us who are turning into dust.
The tables have finally turned,
For good or evil is yet to come.

Another day in this enchanted world,
With a heart which is nowhere to be heard.
Tick tick tick, the clock sings,
Yes, dear human it's time for your last speech.

I liked it... but...
Why did it only rhyme for the first few lines? I liked the rhyming, and then it disappeared!
Also, there should probably be quotation marks here:

"Why is the door to humanity suddenly shut?"
You ask yourself with mere disgust.

Hope I helped! :)

I like the sense of mystery about this poem, but there was something bothering me. You seemed to be attempting half-rhyme, maybe even meter in the first few lines, but gave it up after a few seconds. If you want to add meter, try starting with:

TheGuiltyOne wrote:The reason and the cause is still a mystery.

This makes me think that you were warping the words to fill in a meter, using synonyms, but I can see no meter! The first line contains ten syllables, but the second contains twelve. To even it out, you could have said "The reason why is still a mystery." which would even have cancelled out those unnecessary synonyms. The next line contains thirteen syllables. If you are aiming for another ten, say something like "Why is the door to humanity shut?". You could continue in this way to connect all the lines.

Now, let's look at the half-rhyme. You were using an intriguing mixture of assonance and alliteration to connect the words, which I loved. If you want to edit, you can chuck the meter and build on this, linking the words at the end of the lines by reproducing their vowels and/or consonants.

The stanzas. You came to a very abrupt end with six, six, four! This doesn't really matter, but it left me lost, considering that there was no meter and no rhyme. This is free verse at its freest and most confusing!

Try instilling a bit of structure in this! I loved the actual material, though! Keep going and if you need any reviews, post on my wall and I'll give it a go!

I liked this piece a lot . The meter was good and it was a cute, yet deep piece of writing that you obviously worked very hard to put together the way it is. My biggest frustration is the starting rhyme. The awkward sounded effect after you start and stop a rhyme scheme just doesn't help the piece to flow at all. If you're going to make it rhyme, make it rhyme all the way, but if you aren't going to make it rhyme, don't let it rhyme at all. The easy way out here would be to cut out the couple of rhymes at the beginning. The challenge that I would be very impressed by, and would make me much more interested in the poem would be if you managed to turn this into a fully rhyming poem, but that would be VERY difficult with the set of lines that you already have. Either way, good luck, this is a great piece, and keep writing! :):):):):):):):)

Heyy, it's Minna (or her account).
Like the poem.

Another day with the same life,
You walk for miles to quench your thirst.

Statements before this rhyme in every 2nd statement, this rhymes with the last rhyming, not it's own rhyming- get it.

In dust we were created to exist,
Now it's us who are turning into dust.

Similar thing happens here. and I think- Of dust we were created- sounds more correct and
Putting dust again in the next statement gives the word a redundant feeling, get it?
After reading the next two lines, the rhyimng thingi falls more into plce. Your mind gets the point every two lines rhyme. Okay, this review....is just bad. I tried. Hope I've helped.