Young Writers Society

A good and fair goodbye to you,
It's really from my heart.
I hope that you are happy now,
After squishing my hopes,
Dreams,
Life,
Home,
Everything.
You made sure I was destroyed before you went to your second attack.
I hope that you are happy now,
My life you ripped apart.
You are a sick,
Mental,
Violent,
Monster.
Sometimes,
Though,
I love you.
Sometimes,
Though,
I don't.
You are a devil dressed in an angel body.
I hope that you are happy now.
I am finally going away.
Now watch, you devil. Watch
I will make sure I will do all I can,
Now that you have destroyed me,
To protect your next victim.
Or will you stay with me?
Stay to watch me die?
You sick,
Mental,
Violent,
Monster.
Now,
After all my praying,
Now,
After all I went through,
You are still here.
Now that you have destroyed me.

Hey there, I'm Alex and I'll be reviewing this great poem of yours today! I'm still a noobie learning the ropes here, so bear with me.


[quote

A good and fair goodbye to you,
It's really from my heart.
I hope that you are happy now,
After squishing my hopes,
Dreams,
Life,
Home,
Everything.
You made sure I was destroyed before you went to your second attack.
I hope that you are happy now,
My life you ripped apart.
You are a sick,
Mental,
Violent,
Monster.
Sometimes,
Though,
I love you.
Sometimes,
Though,
I don't.
You are a devil dressed in an angel body.
I hope that you are happy now.
I am finally going away.
Now watch, you devil. Watch
I will make sure I will do all I can,
Now that you have destroyed me,
To protect your next victim.
Or will you stay with me?
Stay to watch me die?
You sick,
Mental,
Violent,
Monster.
Now,
After all my praying,
Now,
After all I went through,
You are still here.
Now that you have destroyed me.

][/quote]


Overall, I thought this was a great first draft for a poem! Sure, it could use a bit more revising and polishing, but you really have something here. I love it. Forever may you write!


~Alex~

I feel like this was lacking a general mood. Personally I just didn't get a strong image or emotion from it, and really I think that's just what this is missing. Give us more emotion to feed off of, by adding more detail and possibly making it less vague. In any case, this wasn't too bad, but definitely seemed to be missing something.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Hey there, Taylor!

This was a very strong poem since you've worded out every bit really well. And you have got some great talent building up in you

I'm sure that with some more practice and more writing, you'll make an excellent writer. And you'll be even better than you already are! Keep the ink flowing and I'm definitely looking forward to reading more.

Murtuza

I don't pretend to be a great expert on poetry, but I love to read it. So here is an opion from a more "consumer-like" person. To me, it lacked flow. Free verse like you just put out is one of more raw, and emotional types to write in, but it is the hardest to read. To me, a great poem needs flow, and rhyme never hurt. Also, I think the length of your lines differed too drastically, and didn't lend to the general vibe of the poem enough. Challenge yourself by tryinng out some cool metaphors as well!